Archive for the cool people Category

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

reBOUND, Shibari Style Impressions by David Lawrence

Posted in art, cool people, photography, Rope Bondage on February 8, 2011 by Gray

This may not come as a surprise, but I see a lot of rope bondage pictures. And videos. And live performances. And erotica. I actually read the text of Master’s K’s Beauty of Kinbaku, and loved every second of it.

It’s a fault, to be honest. The stuff just interests me. I’m not proud of it.

But keep it in mind when I tell you, point blank, that David Lawrence’s photographic book Bound remains the most beautiful collection of rope bondage photography I’ve ever seen. Not because of the models, or the ropework, but because they all come to a conjunction in the pages of the book that makes it greater than the sum of its parts. It’s a breathtaking experience to go into that book, to take its oversized solid binding into your hands and open it and let your eyes dive in…

Of course, you can’t look at it. It’s sold out. Out of print. OK, maybe if you bribe me with whiskey, dark chocolate, and unspecified sexual favors, I’ll let you hold it. Just for a little while. Ok, that’s enough, even you thinking about it is making me twitchy. Give it back.

Perhaps I’ll be more willing to share in about a month, when I get my copy (pre-ordered quite a while ago, because I knew it would be worth the wait) of reBOUND, Shibari Style Impressions. This is the next phase of David’s work, and he deserves kudos just for attempting to follow that first act. You can see a preview of the work by clicking on the link, but I gotta tell ya: it’s about as close to actually having the book as looking at a picture is to actually tying someone up.

In other words, not at all.

I can see by your face that you’re skeptical. And that’s understandable, because I still haven’t really talked about why exactly his work is so fucking good. Bad blogger, Gray, no biscuit. OK, fine, let me see if I can try…

Hmm.

OK, it’s like this: most bondage art photography bears something of the personality of the person who did it. Lochai’s Occupied, Lee’s Black Book, even Midori’s prints from The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. Hell, the instructional pics in Douglas Kent’s books scream “DOUGLAS KENT”.

That is, of course a subjective view. I know all of these people, some fairly intimately, so of course I’d project the personality on the pictures, right? Even given that there are other photographers whose work I’ve learned to spot without ever meeting them (Ian Rath, by the way, at some point I owe you a drink. Or ten.). All of them are something of a collaboration: the eye of the photographer with the experience of the model. If the photographer is also the rigger, there’s even more of their personality involved, in my opinion.

Except for David Lawrence.

I know David, and call him friend. He’s not a quiet man. You wouldn’t call him an unassuming presence. Hell, it could even be said that he’s an arrogant rigger, because of his penchant for fitting the bodies to his ties as opposed to the other way around. I’d say it’s probably more confidence than arrogance, but sometimes that line gets blurry.

But when I look at his pictures…I don’t see him. Somehow he manages to get out of the way and let the subjects tell their own relationship – between the rope and their body, between the partners, the snake, the candle wax, or just gravity and the hard, cold floor below.

Don’t get me wrong; I still know it’s David’s photography, and I can see and admire the audacity of location and the artistic composition and technical skill and all that shit that keeps me from trying to compete in the world of bondage photography. But David gives us the gift of photos that go beyond that, that triggers that inner resonant frequency. I look at the pictures, and somehow I see in the lines, the expressions, the shades of gray that same feeling of satisfaction that I get when I hold a piece of hemp in my hand, or when I look at my partner bound and smiling on the floor. I see that same fault, if that’s the right word, that keeps us tying and being tied.

David Lawrence gets it, and more than that, he manages to share it through photographs in a way that is rare and beautiful. I appreciate that.

From what I hear, reBound is going to be a limited print run too. That’s why I’m glad I got mine early. If you’re lucky, maybe Cupid will get one for you, too. If not, well…I guess I could share. Maybe. But we’re talkin’ 90% or more cacao, baby, and that whiskey had better be older than my niece.

Otherwise, honeychild, we’re going to be getting pretty fucking specific…

Leave A Comment »

Tony Comstock, Portrait in Courage

Posted in community, cool people, NeatEvent, proporn, sex education, writing on February 1, 2011 by Gray

One of many "Real" movies from Comstock Films

Tony Comstock is a pornographer writer sailor father husband  filmmaker guy who cares about the state of sexual mores in our culture. And when I say cares, I mean more than just donating to Scarleteen and the NCSF and making movies about real people having real sex because they are really in love.

He is going to be putting his (literary) ass on the line:

“In late 2008 I began a deliberate campaign to take my ideas beyond the safe confines of my little corner of the internet. I began engaging on blogs and forums where I knew my films and the ideas they represent would be greeted with, at best, suspicion, if not outright hostility. This process has been hugely demanding — of my time, of my energy, of my emotions — with no guarantee that my efforts would ever bear fruit.”

But bear fruit it did. In fact, his writing (which is excellent in its own right) was noticed by none other than Atlantic columnist James Fallows. Which is why Tony Comstock will be covering for Fallows for the first half of February. Tony talks about what he plans to do with this suddenly huge soapbox:

By the end of the week, I hope to have laid out a case for the idea that while we live in an age where extremely graphic, often upsetting sexual imagery is but a mouse-click away, images that explore and celebrate love and sexuality in the same way that Valentine’s day celebrates love and sexuality are vanishingly rare.

“I am also going to talk about how law, custom, economics, and technology interact to enforce a wide gulf between the well-crafted, but oddly coy depictions of sexuality in mainstream film and television, and the poorly made, often cartoonishly vulgar depictions that seem to characterize the collision of sex and the moving image.

Along the way I’ll touch on subjects of more general interest, including: algorithmic morality, climax ecology, boiled frogs, what you can and can’t see from outer-space, boxing, Steve Jobs’ liver, Dick Cheney’s heart, gun-control, and dog fighting.”

I’m almost drooling with excitement. That list of subjects is like an aphrodisiac.

His sojourn as an Atlantic guest-blogger begins February 7 and runs through February 13, the day before Valentine’s day. I’ll certainly be following it, but I suspect that as a community of sex-positive writers and bloggers and freaks we should make sure to respectfully and openly support this foray into the mass media by one of our own.

1 Comment »

The Somerville Bowline, Takedown Edition

Posted in cool people, Rope Bondage, sex education on January 31, 2011 by Gray

You’ve heard about the Boola-Boola Purge, right? There’s a whole cadre of ropesters who have decried the many failings of this version of the single column tie. A quite vocal person is Topologist, from Boston (soon to be from San Francisco), and he even went so far as to create his own variation of a single column tie which has become known as the “Somerville Bowline.”

I’ve learned it three or four times. I don’t use it enough to have it stick (yet). Then again, it took me two and a half years to learn the takate kote, so I guess I shouldn’t complain.

But along comes my friend Trialsinner (proposer of the Innocon) and he has a variation that really speaks to me: the takedown version of the Somerville Bowline. Click the link to see how he does it, and see how it works for you:

And special props go out for mentioning the Rope Capital of the World!

©Trialsinner : East Somerville Bowline How-To.  The East….

Leave A Comment »

Hajime Kinoko & Asagi Ageha in Culture X

Posted in art, community, cool people, NeatEvent, photography, Rope Bondage on January 27, 2011 by Gray

I have a real love-hate relationship with this video. On the one hand, it does some things right, such as referring to to the “art” as kinbaku, and linking the “rope culture” of Japan to the practice. On the other hand, starting from the Ubiquitous Zen Flute Riff when they show the “happy, sunny” Japan, to the pedantic valley-girl-esque Vanessa Von Auer, Paychologist, it goes into a sensationalistic Orientalist mode. The overall portrayal, passive-aggressive in tone, is that rope bondage is done by the mentally ill as an inadequate substitute for “real” therapy.

Still, it’s worth watching, if only for the chance to see Ageha perform, and to see Hajime Kinoko‘s teaching studio. What do you think of the tone? I know that I tend to be a bit over-sensitive to what I perceive as Asian stereotyping; maybe I’m over-reacting?

3 Comments »

It’s Fucking Art, Bitches.

Posted in art, cool people, Rope Bondage on January 18, 2011 by Gray

Gray & MinxGrrl by Nancy Peach (in progress)

With all the disagreements about whether or not rope is an art or not (which I’m not interested, really, in talking about any more) I thought I’d just share with you some of the progress that fine artist Nancy Peach has been making on the painting she’s doing of me and MinxGrrl. You can see more of it as it comes along at her site.

Enjoy! I’m in San Fran Aftercare Central, aka the Bondage Capital of the World. Dexter, lasagna, and a naked Naiia…

Leave A Comment »

Notes on Connection

Posted in cool people, NeatEvent, play, Rope Bondage, sex education on January 17, 2011 by Gray

As part of the Wicked Grounds Holiday Dinner, I offered a two-hour bondage lesson to whoever the lucky raffle ticket winner was. It was RopeMonk, who also runs the San Francisco RopeBite, and he asked me for a short class on building connection in a scene. With the help of the lovely ClurraBella we spent two hours talking about some really neat stuff and doing rope. He’s agreed to let me share the notes from the class here; consider them food for thought, and if you want to know more, well, I’ve got quite reasonable rates…

Notes on Building & Keeping Connection & Flow in a Rope Scene

  • Don’t put distance between you and your rope bottom. Be as close as you can while still respecting boundaries
  • Ask before touching, but if you want to touch, ask.
  • Maintain contact through touch or rope tension throughout the scene.
  • Give some indication of what you’re going to do before you do it. “I’m going to put a chest harness on you” is ok, but “The rope is going on these beautiful breasts” might be better. On the other hand, “Gonna tie you down, bitch, before I smack and fuck that sweet ass” might be preferred by some. Know your bottom.
  • If you want nudity, ask for it. The worst that can happen is they say “no”.
  • Confidence as you move the bottom’s body around is always good.
  • Acknowledge mistakes if they’re obvious, like hitting her in the face with the rope, but don’t draw attention to it. He can’t see that you didn’t tie the Somerville bowline quite right behind his back; why tell him? Never say “oops” unless it’s immediately followed by “Eh, who gives a fuck?“
  • If you have to backtrack, don’t say “I did that wrong.” Say something like “Ooh…you’ve got a really great body. I’ve got a better idea for this…” Then start over.
  • Precision & hesitation is for photographic shoots. If you want energy, give up the pursuit of perfection. Don’t become the Graveyard of Passion.
  • When possible, pull the rope across the body, letting it caress the skin.
  • If you have loose bands of rope, find a way to make them tighter.
  • Communicate throughout the scene. It should be a conversation, either with words or through touch.
  • At the end of the scene, you should know where your head is at, and have some idea where your bottom’s head was at. Discuss it, and see how close you both were. The more you know about each other, the better the next scene will be.

    Rigging: Graydancer Model: FaerieRing Photographer: Starven

5 Comments »

Perfection is the Death of Passion

Posted in art, community, cool people, Rope Bondage on January 14, 2011 by Gray

Mara Geneva Rehearsing for WICKED LINES

If I didn’t worship Gar Reynolds as the Last, Best Hope Against Powerpoint, I might resent him. A long while back I did a keynote at the Austin Ropecraft Symposium based around the concept of “Rope Naked.” I’m still pretty proud of that speech, and its delivery. Gar has actually written an entire book called “The Naked Presenter” that follows along that same idea. He’s written extensively about it on his site, but nothing has resonated quite as much as the last post, We don’t seek your perfection, only your authenticity.

I won’t name names, but I’ve talked with many riggers who have expressed what Dr. Brene Brown would call “shame.” She defines that as the fear of disconnection. Faced with a pile of rope, the rigger feels “If I don’t do this right, my bottom won’t want to play with me. My friends will laugh at me. No one will ever let me present. Nobody will ever want to play with me again.”

Will any of this actually happen? Probably not. But it feels like it might. We want the sure thing, the security. Just tie another takate-kote, throw in some weaves to make it artsy, and let the hot boobies do the work. It’s safe. It’s certain. It’s easy to learn.

But here’s the problem, said so well in one single sentence by Mr. Reynolds.

Passion dies in an environment of fear
and a yearning
for guarantees and certainty.

If you’re not playing on the brink, and risking doing it wrong, why are you bothering? And if you’re wondering why the passion seems to have gone out of your ropework…maybe you need to figure out if your aversion to shame is keeping you from that one thing that every rigger and bottom yearns for: connnection.

Read the post. Watch the talk. And think about it the next time you pick up rope. It might make a difference.

1 Comment »

Creak

Posted in cool people, music, photography, play, Rope Bondage on December 30, 2010 by Gray

Last night, a special kind of joy: listening to the creak of the jute as her legs pulled against the bonds, as her hands flexed and twisted, not exactly trying to get away but just in reaction to the sensations I was giving her.

The sound of binding and passion and sex.

•

Let me share with you the amazing mashup that accompanied much of our activity last night. It’s long, free, and awesome: Girl Talk – All Day.

•

Afterwards, she snuggled in and smiled at me. “You look so cute,” she said. “You get that intense look on your face.”

“Cute?” I puzzled. Fuzzy ducks are cute. “Cute and intense aren’t words I normally associate with each other.”

“It’s like Miranda says,” she explained. “Fuck it like you’re trying to kill it.”

If that’s the cute intensity I have…I can live with that.

Leave A Comment »

A Simple End-of-Year Post

Posted in community, cool people, event, family, photography, play, writing on December 29, 2010 by Gray

Shooting with Michele Serchuk=Another Good Decision

It is the season for Wrap Ups, for Looks Back, for reflection and “what the fuck happened?” to mingle in the brain. I normally don’t do such things; arbitrary ends-of-years (you do remember that more than half the world doesn’t see this as the New Year, right?) don’t normally appeal to me.

However, I had a dream the other night. It was a class I was organizing, and the theme was “Best & Worst.” I think it came from the series of posts from people like Lochai and Voron on Fetlife about the “end result or process?” or the “most important safety rule“. And as much as I dislike hyperbole and dyadic choices (life is not the Kobiyashi Maru, in my opinion) I think there might be some value in exploring the questions:

What was the best kinky thing you did all year?

What was the worst?

Note the limiting factors: kinky and year. Feel free to expand and try and think of the best or worst thing you’ve done in general, or in your entire life, but when I did that my head either wanted to explode or to wander down a dark spiral of self-recrimination and regret. Neither really good things.

So…what was the best kinky thing you did all year, Graydancer?

Hmm…probably it was the decision to embrace my avocation and try to unite it with my vocation. I tried having a “normal” job for a while, for a little more than half the year. 9 to 5, insurance (sort of, though it didn’t cover the things I actually needed treatment for), overtime, vacation…the whole shebang.

But it was soul-deadening. The contrast between the people that I connected with through writing, podcasting, teaching, and performing, vs. the people I suckered into buying shitty properties on eBay at my job became intolerable. In the end, I had to realize that the only thing I was accomplishing at that job was making my boss richer, and that was at the cost of not only the sucker’s money but also at the cost of my quality of life, and the quality of life of those I loved.

So one weekend I walked in, packed up my personal items from my desk, sent emails of resignation to the two immediate superiors and the big boss, and left. I resolved that it was better to be poor, insecure, and happily contributing positively to the world (at least, as far as I can tell) than to be a dead soul with a steady paycheck.

Since then, life has been one good thing happening after another. I have been able to teach and do things with people I’d never expected or dreamed of, and 2011 is looking even better. Does my bank account suffer? Hell yes. But really, in the bigger scheme of things, having tried both ways…this is where I belong, doing what I’m doing. Best. Decision. All. Year.

Eh, that’s an easy one. What about the worst thing you did all year?

Ah, now, here’s the decision time. Do I open myself up to the teeming masses (ha) reading this blog and go for the intensely personal experience, or take the easy route and go with “well, I didn’t check that I tied that Gravity Boot correctly on the famous Oreo Cookie suspension…”

If you do this exercise, I warn you, this is dangerous territory. Regret and guilt are two of the most insidious and yet worthless emotions there are, because they really don’t accomplish anything. The past is the past, and you can’t change it, and more than that, there is no way to tell if the past is exactly what needed to happen to get you where you are right now – in my case, sitting in bed in my friend’s flat in San Francisco with a happily tired and snuggly DoNotGoGently next to me. I wouldn’t trade this for anything, so how can I be sure that anything I did to lead up to this should have been changed?

Well, ok, I’ll stop dodging the question. The worst thing I’ve done in my kinky life all year…it’s not really one thing. It’s more the area of my kinky life where I wish I was doing better, making better decisions, able to explore and develop it more skillfully.

It’s the area of dominant and submissive relationships. I still carry around a big huge hangup from my first real D/s experience, and while it has benefited me in terms of education, it has certainly stunted my own development. About all I know is that I am “wired” for that kind of relationship – but making that wiring actually function seems to be a very difficult process of talking things out and trying things out with my partners, whether play- or life-. These are some of the more difficult and clumsy conversations I’ve had, and mis-steps and mis-communications and mis-takes have led to a great deal of strife and pain for myself and those I love. So what have I done the worst in my kinky life over the past year? Managed my identity as a dominant kinky person.

There. Now I know what I can choose to work on in the future. Or not; sometimes you just do the best you can, and have to keep muddling through. I’m a big fan of “inching towards daylight” as the saying goes.

Now it’s your turn, if you care to take up the challenge. The comment field awaits:

What’s the best kinky thing you did all year? What’s the worst?

2 Comments »

The Things They Don’t Teach You

Posted in cool people, photography, play, proporn, Rope Bondage on December 15, 2010 by Gray

Harder Than It Looks...wait, no, that's NOT what I meant! Perv.

Recently my girlfriend DoNotGoGently and I teamed up with super-hot-fetish-model Ten to do a day of Damsel-in-Distress shooting with folks over at Beauties in Bondage.

It was a blast. Fun people to work with, and basically it was like when you played cops-and-robbers as a kid. I got to be the bad guy in several different scenarios, and you can watch the teaser for one of them or enjoy the screen captures.

But since this was video, we went for some level of verisimilitude, and that presented some interesting challenges on my end. For example, for the “Witness Protection” scenario, it called for me to “chloroform” the first witness and then disarm and choke out the Federal Marshal.

Now, the rough body play stuff? No problem. I had lots of fun with that, as did DNGG. But think about it: then I’m supposed to tie pretty and effective bondage on them while they are unconscious.

Dead weight. Limp limbs, a rubber spine, and no other help. Why don’t we offer “Tying the Unconscious” classes at Shibaricon, anyway?

And let’s add the fact that I was being all Actor-like, and decided that I really should be wearing my Sexy Leather Gloves so as not to leave fingerprints. Have you tried tying someone while you’re wearing leather gloves? Let me put it to you another way: if you’re going to be tying someone in leather gloves under a time- or performance-pressure situation, practice first.

Oh, and skin! Hate to tell you this, bottoms, but the real reason the answer to “Should I take this off?” is always “YES!” has nothing to do with your beautiful bodies. Rather, it’s because rope + skin < friction > rope + fabric + long beautiful hair.

These are skillsets that are severely lacking in the training of riggers all over the world. Maybe Chanta’s Bondage for Sex, Vol. 2 will have it. Or Douglas Kent’s Complete Shibari Vol. 4: Sweaters.

But we need more training than that. That was the easy shoot. The next shoot called for them to both be conscious and struggling while I tied them up.

Yeah. That’s right. Those of you who have tried tying pretty bondage on someone who is struggling will be chuckling; those of you who have seen DNGG actually fight are rolling on the floor guffawing. Various scenarios and ideas were put out, some of which had about as much relevance to reality as a Tarantino action movie. Sure, we had a prop gun – so I’m supposed to hold the gun on them and tie them at the same time? Or maybe hold to to my own head and yell “Hold it! Next slut makes a move, the Rigger gets it!” (1)

Yeah. You try it sometime. We came up with some creative solutions to the problem, and it was actually quite fun to do the role-playing. But I think, for those who are wanting to get into the insanely lucrative world of Damsel-in-Distress porn, Murphy Blue and I should teach a special series of classes at Shibaricon. Call it the “Snidely Whiplash” track:

  • TUF 101: Tying the Unconscious Form
  • TUF 102: Tying the Unconscious Form While Wearing Gloves
  • TUF 103: Tying the Sweater-Wearing Long-Haired Unconscious Form While Wearing Gloves
  • TUF 104: Lugging the Tied-Up Unconscious Form Up and Down Stairs
  • TUF 201: Tying the Other Sweater-Wearing Long-Haired Unconscious Form While Wearing Gloves Under Hot Lights and Still Trying to Look Sexy/Menacing/Not About to Go Into Cardiac Arrest.
  • ARM 101:  Agressive Ropesluts (Multiple)
  • ARGH 102: Agressive Ropeslut Gun Handling, aka “Yeah, right.”
  • ARGH 201: Tying Agressive Ropesluts One-Handed While Holding a Gun Realistically, aka “Good luck with that.”
  • Ex-Dream Roleplay 201: Finding Motivation for Rough Play with Aggressive Ropesluts (multiple)

Whaddaya think? I’m sure that it would be a fine addition to any rope curriculum…

1. I blame this joke on the fact that I’m writing from Mollena‘s room in San Francisco

2 Comments »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »