They say that the key to a good blog post is saying something controversial, hence the title. It’s not a joke, though; fair warning, what you read here may anger you. Either at me, at yourself, or at your top, depending.
The lovely Symetrie rigged by the author
At Shibaricon I was a bit busy. Which is kind of like saying Ms. Bachmann’s grasp on reality is “a bit” tenuous. I followed Mollena’s Admonition and was DAMN sure I was available for those playdates that I did schedule, and also did my best to be a good Poly Rope Top and made time for both my partner DoNotGoGently and my long-distance lover Naiia.
But it wasn’t easy. In fact, it was exhausting. I was also running classes, doing the cabaret, helping out as part of the staff…so by the time DNGG and I finally got to the designated time and space for our planned suspension scene, the dungeon was packed. I was tired. We wandered around, saw a lot of hot rope people doing hot rope things, but not one empty hard point. Ditto for the other playspaces – nary a hard point free.
Rope etiquette would dictate that we simply stage our bags near a scene that was going on, wait for it to finish, and take over the point. However, remember the “busy” part above? Remember the “exhausted”? Neither of us had the reserves to wait for a scene. More than that, the stresses of Shibaricon had taken their toll, emotionally, on the two of us. We needed a good scene with each other, and we needed it sooner than later.
Well, I’m one of those who’s always talking up floorwork, right? Talking about how suspension is fine, but overrated? So we dragged our gear back to the main dungeon, claimed some floor space with a sheet, and started some rope work.
Almost immediately when the ropes went on her, DNGG closed her eyes. She wasn’t going into “rope space” as it’s commonly understood, but it was obvious to me as I bound her tighter and tighter that this was going to be an internalized experience for her, a journey in which I would be a guide and guardian but not so much a participant.
That’s not a bad thing at all; it’s one of the many rich ways that rope can provide a great experience. So I continued to tie, to expose parts of her body, stimulate them with pinches and strokes and slaps and caresses. DNGG’s reactions are subtle but beautiful, and I was watching her closely, monitoring her state of mind and sensation as best I could in a busy, loud dungeon.
After a time, I began to take her out. I don’t know how long it was – maybe forty five minutes? There hadn’t been any obvious “WE ARE DONE NOW” signs, like mind-blowing orgasms or tears or even really any communication beyond body language. In fact, I wasn’t really sure that we should have been done at that time – it was simply my best guess at when both her energy and mine were at a level where we could come out of the scene gracefully. I wasn’t sure that I’d really given her a good path through the rope, or an adequate experience. I just had to trust that she would either forgive me if I hadn’t (that’s part of being in a relationship, after all) or let me know what she needed that was more.
As I took the ropes off of her, slowly, bit by bit, a strange thought occurred to me: Damn, I really wish we could have done that suspension instead.
It seemed like a strange thought. Why would I have rather done suspension? I’m not attached to the art, not even especially good at it (though I’m adequate enough when called upon). But there was no denying it: I wished, in that moment, that I could have done suspension instead of floorwork.
Why?
I thought about it a lot, and eventually realized: suspension is dynamically easy. It has a very clear path:
- Negotiation
- Physical evaluation of bottom
- Physical creation/evaluation of hard point
- Tying of harness to bottom
- Suspension
- Monitoring/transitional positions (sometimes several if you’re awesome like Lqqkout or Wykd Dave or Claire Adams)
- Safe lowering to floor.
- Removal of ropes/Aftercare
How do you know you did a good suspension? Easy: the bottom walks away with a smile. Hell, sometimes it’s just “the bottom walks away.” If they didn’t fall, it’s a success. Anything else – beauty, orgasms, appreciation from the audience – that’s all gravy. And frankly, even “rope space” is easy, because the stresses of the body being supported in a strange way within the ropes will trigger endorphins much more quickly than many other activities, and the feeling of having the ropes taken off/aftercare neurochemically transitions into oxytocin release giving that happy feeling of belonging, being cared for (in both top AND bottom).
In short: it’s an easy way to fix your jonesing for a rope scene.
Contrast that with a floorwork rope scene:
- Negotiation/evaluation of bottom (setting boundaries, basically, and maybe setting a tone: “pain”, “pleasure”, “beauty”)
- Tie some rope
- Do some stuff
- Repeat steps 2 and 3 for a while
- Untie the ropes
- Aftercare.
It’s not as clear a picture. And while yes, I can agree that “the bottom walking away with a smile” is still a good indication of a good scene, I would argue that the other “success” marker – the bottom walking away – is not there.
It’s harder to do a good scene on the floor, because you don’t have the obvious markers showing the way.
As I realized this, I thought about the way suspension is such a big thing in the rope scene. I thought about the way new rope tops focus on gaining suspension skills (new rope bottoms, too). And I frankly have come to the conclusion that at least some of the motivation is laziness. Why go to the trouble of delving into an unclear realm such as floorwork when you can put yourself in a situation where very clear steps and very clear paths are laid out to allow you to say “I did good”?
Before the flames start, please note that I am not saying that it is impossible to have a deep and meaningful suspension scene. The artistry of people like Osada Steve, Ageha, Arisue Go, Wykd Dave, Lqqkout, Kogure, Midori, and others who do suspension regularly is undeniable and I would be the first to say so.
But I’m suggesting that when doing suspension, we riggers and bottoms might want to ask “Why?” Are we taking the easy way out? Are we substituting physics for connection, simply because it’s easier?
Or is it just me?
