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Ropecraft

Posted in art, cool people, event, maui kink, play, Rope Bondage on December 6, 2010 by admin

“The study of magic is not a science, it is not an art, and it is not religion. Magic is a craft. When we do magic, we do not wish and we do not pray. We rely upon our will and our knowledge and our skill to make a specific change in the world…”
–Lev Grossman, The Magicians

My friend Lochai recently posted a stimulating question on the Shibaricon mailing list. It was, like many great questions, short and to the point:

Why rope?

I think my answer lies in an example I use a lot when I teach. If I come towards a person with a flogger, they know pretty much what’s going to happen. If I come towards a person with some fine leather bondage shackles, they know where they’re going to go. If I pull out some hand-blown fluted fire-cups, it’s pretty obvious what’s going to happen next.

If I walk towards someone with a coiled piece of hemp, they have no clue. Except that it will involve rope. Probably.

Here. I’ll set a timer, and come up with ten things I could do with that coil of rope:

Cover it with a condom and fuck them.

Knot the ends and give them a very sharp and painful whipping.

Re-coil it into a soft, thuddy flogger.

Tie a crotch rope hooked into their hair and make them give me head while rubbing out orgasm after orgasm.

Hogtie them and enjoy their escape attempts.

Use the rope to highlight a part of their anatomy (ass, breasts, cock & balls, whatever) and lavish attention on it.

Introduce them to some Enforced Yoga Poses.

String the knotted line across the room and force them to straddle it, walking along the line reciting humiliating phrases in Russian.

Gag & blindfold them.

Tie their hands together.

OK, that took me longer than expected – one minute and 15 seconds. Try it yourself; feel free to share your results in the comments. Admittedly, some might say that the last one (or two) shouldn’t count, that they’re too basic. That’s a subject for another post.

My point is that rope is nothing but potential until I exercise my skill and desire upon it-and at that point, the range of options available is greater than any other tool I’ve seen. It’s Schroedinger’s Rope, if you will: it’s everything until you make it something. It is unknowable:

The Unknowable is that which lies in the cracks between the known and the irrelevant…the Unknowable lives in a pack of cards after it has been fairly shuffled but before it has been dealt, when all the possibilities are open, and which each possibility matters.
–Stephen Brust & Emma Bull, Freedom and Necessity

That rope will do nothing without the rigger’s will. Their intent.

That intention may be nothing more than to replicate the knots on some picture they saw.

Or it may be with the intention of creating a passionate experience filled with ephemeral beauty for an audience of two.

I know which I prefer. And that is why rope, Lochai.

That is my ropecraft.

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A Smorgasbord of Smut for Your Senses

Posted in art, cool people, music, NeatEvent, photography, Rope Bondage, sex education on November 10, 2010 by admin

Not a lot of high-falutin’ philosophy this time around, but rather, a selection of music, video, and image to delight your kinky senses. Step right up, gentlemen make way for the ladies*, all for the cost of a click (or a donation, as you’ll see there on your right) you too can revel in the sexy sexy world of the web…

First off, my own humble offering at the In the Flesh Reading Series in NYC, where I read an excerpt from the story “Click” (which was part of the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar fundraising drive). Much thanks to Rachel Kramer Bussel for the opportunity:

In this next alcove, we have the much-awaited Flower & Snake 3, featuring the bondage stylings of the amazing Arisue Go:

Note: I’m tempted to note that this video seems fine on YouTube while a video of Ms. Behavin’ tying Foxy Veronica was banned for inappropriate content and violation of TOS. But that would distract from the smut, etc. we have to share!

What’s that you say? You’d rather just listen to things? I understand, friend, I understand quite well. Like you, I have become jaded in the dungeon sounds of music, over-engimaed and NINsaturated. And much as we’d like to, we can’t all have events like the upcoming S’GrUE (last day to register, btw) and have the dungeon music custom-mixed by masters of the art like DJ Pet.

Luckily, I recently was researching another article and came across some pretty damn awesome music for the dungeon. Even better, I can let you download a track FREE via IODA PromoNet. This is just one of many, many cool tracks I found on the Death Race soundtrack by Paul Haslinger:

Paul Haslinger
“Death Race Main Titles” (mp3)
from “Death Race Soundtrack”
(Back Lot Music)

Buy at iTunes Music Store
Buy at Amazon MP3
More On This Album

Lastly, I’d like to direct your attention to a couple of examples of “Doin’ It Right.” See, that’s one of the questions that I get asked during my teaching and presenting and traveling. “Look at this; am I doing it right?”

I’ll tell you right now, when I’m asked that, I don’t look at the rope first. Or the tools, or anything except the expression on the bottom’s face. In this first example, in spite of the many torturous devices and sensory deprivation used, the Bottom (name withheld to protect their high-paying Republican Lobbyist job) is obviously enjoying…um…himheritself, so yes, my roommate is “doing it right” on the AIS Kink Labs frame:

Or, for another example, which you’ll see more of in tomorrow’s post, the expression on Naiia’s face as we do some Imperial Style Fear Play at Truly Bound II:

With that, I leave you to your day, may the sights, sites, sounds and (ow) sounds fill it with joyous sexy naughty knotty thoughts…

* Note: this obviously only applies
to those who identify
with those heteronormative stereotypes.
So lay off, Vesper!

6 Comments »

Adventures in Rope: The Rope Bomb NYC

Posted in art, community, cool people, event, maui kink, NeatEvent, photography, Rope Bondage on October 21, 2010 by admin

On the 18th of October, the Rope Bomb Squad # 22402 invited me along for their Knotty Flash Mob romp through Central Park. My friends Storii and Parker met up with me in Manhattan and we joined the rest of the group of about 20 people just outside of Central Park.

Murphy Blue, the leader, introduced everyone and laid out the ground rules for the group. They were pretty simple variations on the same principle they drill into kindergarteners and Marines alike: Stay together, and no one gets left behind. At the same time, Dov passed out sheets detailing the Photographer’s Bill of Rights. This included the fact that in NYC it is legal for women to be topless, for example, and that in a public park it is legal to take photos, but illegal for the police to do things like take away your film, camera, etc.

Then we were off into the park…and fun.

It was just fun rope, folks. Yes, it was hot, too – take a look at Storii on the rock, for example. But some of it was “let’s see what we can do with this place!” I wanted to stay away from suspensions as much as I could (when I muttered aloud that “suspensions are overrated” as I rigged Jo_Lee by the bandshell, the photog Ian shook my hand in grateful agreement) but in the final location we found, I couldn’t resist.

Beautiful arches. Glowing tiled ceilings. Multiple people around to suspend. All with the added joy of police showing up and informing us (well, mainly Dov) that if there was any damage to this $17 million overpass he would find us. Thankfully, Dov’s Humongous Balls of Brass were large enough to derail that particular bus.

I got Storii up in the suspension just as I envisioned, snapped some shots, and then was running around trying help tear stuff down and escape the park with laughing, disheveled and half-roped-up models and riggers alike. It’s probably some of the most fun with rope I’ve had ever.

If you get a chance to come to NYC, pay attention to the Rope Bomb Group. They’re friendly, they’re wild, and they just love rope.

I want to give special thanks to Music and Murphy and Storii, who had my back while I had my own interaction with the Fuzz. Incidentally, just so you know, the police are perfectly happy to tell you things you know for a fact are not true. If that happens, don’t argue. Take a cue from Lee Harrington, and acknowledge their “interesting perspective” and disengage from them as quickly as possible.

There are other places to rig, other ropes and bodies to enjoy. And to paraphrase an old Dungeons & Dragons truism, It is wise to avoid the attention of officers, for you are crunchy and taste good with truncheons.

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The Art of the Japanese Bondage Shoot

Posted in art, photography, proporn, Rope Bondage on October 12, 2010 by admin

This came by way of the AdultRopeArt Yahoo group this morning, and I thought it worth sharing. I’m not sure what exactly the shoot was for (there’s speculation it’s for the new movie Hana no Hebi 3) but what did strike me was the way it was so professional.

The actress is obviously put in positions of physical duress, and follows the Japanese erotic aesthetic of looking pained, shamed, and unhappy. I find that often even kinksters forget that this is a skill – it is called acting. The minute the shoot is done, people rush in with no other purpose but to make her comfortable again. It is a recognition of the work she is doing, and also a re-affirmation of her own dignity and worth as both a human and a professional. I think that certain sex-negative anti-porn voices would have us believe that in between the shoots the women and men who do this kind of work are kicked to the side, or made to service the crew, or some bullshit like that.

They forget, conveniently, that this is a business, a profession, and that there is skill involved, training, and work.

And for those who might forget how this process really works, there’s Sir Ian McKellen to explain it:

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Tying New York

Posted in art, community, cool people, event, maui kink, NeatEvent, photography, proporn, Rope Bondage, sex education on October 4, 2010 by admin

It’s my last morning of a truly epic trip here in NYC. The community of sex bloggers, event organizers, kinksters, artists, sexologists, and more have been open and welcoming like you would not believe. Right now I’m spending my last morning at DGSolar & Violet‘s apartment in Brooklyn, after a pleasant evening talking about their Rope Bombs.

There’s really too much to talk about in one blog post…at least in the time I have now. But I’ll share some pictures of highlights, and promise to talk more lucidly about it on an upcoming podcast. (I still have to talk about Paradise & the St. Louis GRUE, for that matter).

First, in light of my last post, I should give an update: Nancy Peach decided against doing the Pussy Eatin’ Pic for Posterity – at least, for the 8×8 version of the show. Instead, she chose to use this one for a full 8×8 canvas, to be unveiled at her event in December – where, by the way, I’ll be performing with MinxGrrl.

I had a really fun arrival in the city after a day of travel, visiting Arden and her roommate Helena and going out to a little dive bar in the village. Arden is the person who, years ago, suggested I work on becoming a little more “evil”, and you can see from the pic that she knows whereof she speaks:

The next morning was up early to do a photo shoot with Mollena Williams shot by Michele Serchuk. All you get to see is my prep shot at the piano – the vibe we were going for was kind of “Tom Waits Molests Ella Fitzgerald” (at least, in my mind) – but there will be exquisite shots of the amazing scene we had together coming later.

This was my first chance to really use Maui Kink‘s rope and toys for the purpose they were intended – especially the Tire thumper. This has one slight variation from the equipment you can just buy at a truck stop – namely, a flattened edge that works as a paddle. The wood, of course, is beautiful, and the gold jute really shone against Mo’s skin for the shoot. I also got to smoke a Romeo Y Julieta Churchill-sized cigar for the shoot, which popped Mo’s cigar play cherry.

That night I attended “An Evening With Carol Queen” which was a fantastic discussion with other sex bloggers and activists. Carol is one of the most engaging and entertaining speakers I’ve ever known, and her new project is to explore how the blogosphere has changed the way people talk about sex. A lot of the conversation related to issues of privacy, but there was a lot of solidarity and a feeling of being a part of the change that desperately needs to happen in our culture. Some old friends like B_Playful, and Mia were there, as well as online friends met for the first time such as Twanna Hines, Raven Lightholme and Wilhelmina Wang. I also made new friends like Nikki Morgan and Snimm. Oh, and lest I forget, this was also the place where I first met Princess Kali of the Kink Academy, and as I hope that is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, it deserves noting.

The whole shindig, of course, was produced by Debauched Diva & Urban Gypsy, who were sort of the guiding hand behind so much that I did this weekend. I’ve known the two of them for years (you can hear interviews about the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar on the Ropecast) but I’ve never worked with them quite this closely. They are a whirlwind of energy. In fact, they should really write a parallel to David Allen’s “Getting Things Done” called “Making Shit Happen.” The people they pulled together to help out were fantastic as well. It was amazing to finally be behind the scenes of the calendar party, stuffing the goodie bags, prepping the space, and then getting to sell raffle tickets and later announce the winners.

I don’t have a “bucket list” per se, but there is a list I keep of things I’ve done, moments I’ve had, that I keep in order to pull out and relive when I’m too old to do such things any more. This trip was full of them, but being the MC for the raffle is definitely in there. On the one hand: I’m just reading numbers on tickets, right? On the other hand: I’m in a Manhattan nightclub, which is packed with hot, sexual people like Dylan Ryan, Nina Hartley, Carol Queen, Troy Orleans and more, and I’m making them laugh, cheer, and enjoy the process of giving away great prizes.

I dunno about you, but that’s a Defining Moment in my book. After the party I had a moment of which you will not believe – it is truly the stuff of which porn movie plots are made of:

At the end of the raffle, Graydancer is sitting, drinking a Stella Artois courtesy of Lisa Vandever. He is feeling good about the drawing, especially since his friend Ten had gotten one of the bags. So had the remarkable Nikki Morgan, a certified sexologist and event planner. She approaches Gray as he sits.

NIKKI: That was fun! This was quite an evening.

GRAY: Yeah, I think that that went well. And you won! Looked like you were having fun.

NIKKI: I did! I was hoping to go in back there (she gestures towards the back of the bar) where Professor Oni was tying people up and try that out. (her mouth pouts) But I guess they’re all packed up and done now…

GRAY (sets down beer): Well, you know…I’ve done a bit of rope bondage myself…

(cue bawhm-chicka-bawhm-mauw music, ftb)

OK, maybe the bawhm-chicka music is going a bit far – after that harness was untied, I simply went back to the home of the New Jersey Rope Experiment in Metuchen. However, Nikki and I had more conversation about a wide variety of topics the next day as I wandered around the Village, and it’s interesting how many of her classes she teaches parallel my own (especially the upcoming ShadowPlay that I’m teaching here in NYC on the 20th). It’s simply a testament to the universality of sexuality – same problems, different solutions.

The next morning I had a great breakfast with the JRE folx, which you will hear in an upcoming podcast. Then Ten and I had to catch a train back to the city for the Kink Academy Open House, which did not suck:

In fact, I got emails from people the next day who had taken home the TEU&FE harness, tried it out, and had stellar results. More pleasant feedback a person could not ask for.

By the end of the open house (and after some impromptu show-and-tell with the effervescent Engel Schrei and some Maui Kink paddles) Ten and I were exhausted, but still wanted to hang with Mollena, Dov, and others. We managed to last all the way thru Cinekink before surrendering to the night and going back to JRE HQ. Of course, being the Hard Workin’ Sex Goddess that she is, she not only did more shoots with me and Kink Academy the next morning but went on to do more spankin’ shoots in the afternoon. Guess it takes a lot of work being that awesome.

Now I’ve had an afternoon, evening, and morning to catch my breath before I catch my plane, and even writing about this seems like a whirlwind fever-dream. I did everything I hoped to on this trip and more, and big thanks to Tied Up Events, Maui Kink, and my generous crash-space hosts for making it possible.

See you all at the Conn-GRUE in a couple of weeks!

1 Comment »

Eatin’ Pussy for Posterity

Posted in art, proporn, Rope Bondage on September 29, 2010 by admin

Yesterday I got to fulfill one of my long-time goals. I got to not only meet Nancy Peach, erotic artist and painter of rope scenes, but “pose” for her. The hope was that Minx Grrl and I would be able to have a scene hot enough to inspire her to create one of her large 8′x8′ canvases, like the ones of Lochai & Madison Young or of James Mogul and Madison that are currently hanging in Wicked Grounds.

Now keep in mind, I love art so much, I married an artist. I actually enjoyed art history. I know enough painters to know how much work and passion and effort goes into these things, even the ones that are supposedly “quick” (like Kandinsky. Mmmm…Kandinsky). So the idea that some of my performance work – the rope, the way I structure and move a scene, etc – would be worthy of that kind of effort? That blows my mind. In a very good way.

There’s something very visceral about a painting. Ask Lochai how he felt when he saw his image, writ huge upon the wall. How humbling it felt for him. Paintings also have a different kind of a life than a photograph. Without getting all Art-In-The-Age-of-Mechanical-Reproduction on you, a painting is unique – a photograph can be reproduced. This does not make one more valid than the other, or better, just different. I’m equally excited about the photoshoot I’m going to do with Mollena and Michele Serchuk tomorrow – that one wasn’t even a life goal, it was something I never dreamed of (Serchuk’s work was some of the first fetish photography I ever saw and appreciated, and I’m in FanBoy Awe of working with her tomorrow. But don’t tell.).

Painting has some history behind that goes back much further than photography. Photography is the beauty that the photographer is able to see and capture; painting is beauty that the painter is able to see and recreate. There is also a different kind of feeling of history around pigments and canvas, and that’s what gets me.

Nancy took several hundred reference images during the scene to work from, and after sharing several on her site, she emailed us both to try and figure out which would be the best one to make into a large 8×8 piece.

Here are the four:

I love the first one, in terms of the line of her body, the way it shows the ropes, and the grip of my hands. At the same time, I’m a fairly disembodied presence here – and before you get all “Get over yourself, Gray!” on me, remember the purpose of this piece of art: it is to capture the feeling of the scene, not just the pretty lady.

The second two do a good job of capturing that feeling – the hot & sweaty of it, and the dynamic between her delight of having me “manhandle” her body (her words) and the motion of the scene (side note: there is a Rope Educator part of me that is delighted that we didn’t do any suspension at all. Floorwork is fucking hot, dammit).

The last image has great line, hot flesh, nice ink, ropes, and shows both of us…as I eat her out. Yes, that’s right, we did some oral play as well (if you click on the link to Nancy’s site, you’ll see my cock peeking out from under my AltKilt).

And that’s where I suddenly paused. Gray, said a little voice inside my head, you are about to be immortalized in acrylic and canvas larger-than-life. Do you want it to be an image of you eating pussy?

Some of you out there will be snickering. Some will be going “No way! You should be all domly and rope toppy!” Some will be “Dude, it’s fine, we just wish there was less of your face showing, so we could substitute our own faces in our imagination.”

All but the last one are actually sex-negative voices. I love eating pussy. In fact, on the occasion that new lovers will say “Um, that’s fine, you can eat me out, but I usually don’t cum that way” my response is “Honey, that’s fine, cuz it’s not for you – it’s all about me.” So as an activist for a sex-positive world, as someone who advocates “Never be ashamed of anything you do,” I had a responsibility to get past those cultural knee-jerk sex-negative reactions and go for the beauty.

Brad Warner, in his recent book Sex, Sin, and Zen, quotes his teacher:

“…on the basis of Buddhism, there seems to exist a kind of criterion that what is moral is always beautiful, and what is beautiful is usually moral.”

While I don’t agree with everything I’ve read in that book so far (he totally misunderstands and misrepresents polyamory) I like that idea. Looking at that picture, there is so much beauty there – the arch of her back, the line of the body, her ink, my ink, the fact that neither of us, in that moment, were thinking about cameras or paintings. That was a moment where we were able to touch the ineffable.

What better way to be represented in the ancient medium of painting?

I wrote Nancy and told her: “Go with the Pussy.” I don’t know if she will – she’s got the ultimate decision, because the painting is hers. But I have to thank her for this particular growth opportunity, to be faced with a sex-positivity challenge and feel that I was able to meet it, and move beyond it, in accordance with my own moral compass.

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[e]Lust 19

Posted in art, community, cool people, eLust, photography, play, proporn, Rope Bondage, sex education on September 5, 2010 by admin

Photo courtesy of Emmy

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #20? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

The Rules – She squirmed in her chair as if impaled there by my finger slowly pushing in and out. “But I can tell you that on our third date, I want something a lot bigger than your finger in me.”

Consensual Nonconsent - He told me he was going to do whatever he wanted to me, and he wanted me to not give consent. He wanted to take it from me. He wanted me to say no, and the less l liked something the harder it would make him.

Love and light – So I move on, not as a submissive, but as the smart mature strong woman that I know that I am. I will credit him with changing me. Changing the way I see myself.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Confessional: Annual Reminder – In the dark, in the car, in the parking lot of a somewhat posh store, he got a fantastic blowjob as uptight conservatives drove past us.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

What’s Been Eating Emmy - A yearly test is good for most, but if you find you are playing with a larger than usual number of people, go get retested. Put yourself and your future partners mind at ease.

See also: Pleasurists #92 and #93 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationship

Adventures in Buttsex

Beginner Anal Positions

Clever Slut

Ever Changing

Jane Says: Take A2M Precautions

The Big Poly Secret – The Kreplit Famine

The P-Spot is the New Male Orgasm

Vaginal Cosmetic Surgery

What is Love?

Erotic Writing

“…is Hard to Do”

Bathroom Blowjobs

Dance of The Veil(Erotic Fiction Writing)

Erotica: A “Break In” – Fantasy pt1

Foreplay – An Erotic Beginning

Lydia and the Wrong Stockings

my turn

Mike & Jenny In The Bookstore

The Ordeal (Part Three)

The Heat of the Moment

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

A New Day

Interview with Athena Hollow of Geek Girls Online

KSL’s 2nd Anniversary

Kink & Fetish

Day 1- Define Your Kinky Self

How To Find A Mistress

I’m Here, I’m Queer???

Kissing, is all

Leash

Punishment and an Ominous Chain

The Maid and the Jewels

Temple

the 2nd night with the Farmer

Total orgasmic destruction

What FetLife Has Done

Ropecast Interview with Peter Tupper

Posted in art, cool people, GRUE, Rope Bondage, ropecast on August 6, 2010 by admin

This podcast features:

a Ropecast Vocabulary Primer,
news about rope pride patches
a discount code for Ropecast Listeners from MauiKink: GDTC15 for 15% off most things!
Then it’s an interview with Peter Tupper, kink historian and author of the forthcoming “Innocent’s Progress” coming from Circlet Press (check out their steampunk erotica anthology “Like a Whisp of Steam” for a taste of his work!)

Send your comments, questions, or pictures of beautifully bound boobies & buttocks to Graydancer@gmail.com, or follow on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/ropecast

Direct download: Ropecast0080610_PeterTupper1.mp3

A Response to the ARA List “Flag” Discussion

Posted in art, community, family, Rope Bondage on July 30, 2010 by admin

While the comments on this blog are WONDERFULLY welcome, there has been a lot of conversation about this elsewhere – for example, on Fetlife, and also on Jimi Tatu’s “Adult Rope Arts” List. While this was a post to that latter group, I feel it might have some benefit to the larger discussion, so I’m re-posting it here. Feel free to tear it apart, copy it, etc. as you like.

My esteemed fellow sukebes,

When I got the email from Kyle suggesting a design for the rope pride flag, I thought “Hmm. That’s an interesting idea. Let’s see what other people think of it!” I figured either people would like the idea or ignore the idea. This is not the first time a rope flag has been done; Jo Qatana has a symbol she created years ago, and Denver Bound has a nifty variation on the Leather Pride Flag on their site. My goal, just to be clear, was not to declare a Rope Pride Flag – it was to foster discussion about it, and if people did want one, see what came of it.

Mission accomplished! Thank you for your comments, as someone who enjoys the conversational arts this has been immensely rewarding, and at times amusing. For example, just in the latest digest I got (and I think perhaps you get a different view of the conversations here if you read them in digest form) I saw the same kind of thread:

“We don’t need anything to rally around!”
“Amen!”
“I second the amen!”
“Second on the Amen!” (actually third, but he didn’t know that)
“I’m with you!”

Eddie Izzard, indeed. Or Monty Python, perhaps (“You’re all unique!” “I’m not!”). In a private email, TopKai (who has several times expressed concern about “opening a can of worms” to which I reply, “Hey, at least we’re not arguing about breath play…”) said at one point “…well, at the very least perhaps it will unite people in their hatred of the symbol.” Score!

What I find disturbing, though, is the continuing use of the word “we” and “us” in a non-consensual sense. “We don’t need a flag.” “all of us are aware of each other” “Rope is my flag and that is sufficient in my mind for the rope community. ”

Excuse me? Um…Jimi, I love you, but even you do not get to decide what is “sufficient for the rope community.”

Even more disturbing: “a flag would only serve to divide people into those that want one, and those that do not. It is much better to create ties that bind people together instead of binding people apart.”

“Those that want one, and those that do not.” That is called “choice.” Or “freedom,” in some places. I don’t recall anyone saying in the Rope Flag discussions “This is the flag that every person who identifies with rope has to use.” What I am seeing is a consistent use of collective pronouns that indicate, first, personal choice: “I don’t want a Rope Pride Flag” and second, dictates: “and you shouldn’t, either.”

It seems to me it is better to let people consent to what ties they want to be bound by – whether that’s leather, rope, or flags.Saying that the creation of a rope flag “divides” or “binds” people is only true if you choose to see it that way. A label is only divisive if it’s the END of a conversation, rather than simply the beginning of one. Kind of like Jimi creating this list “divided” the rope community into “People on ARA, and people who aren’t.” (Which actually, as many of us know, has been pretty divisive and caused some tempers to flare). But the fact is, people can choose to be here, or they can choose to ignore it, or they can choose to be part of this list and a lot of others.

Isn’t choice grand?

That “Eddie Izzard” sketch is about nationalism, not identity. They are different things – or, if you will, different places on a spectrum. Nationalism is Identity used as a weapon of conquest – but that doesn’t mean that identity in and of itself is not necessary.

If I created a logo that was exactly like David Lawrence’s except it had my name, not his, I suspect he would not appreciate it. Similarly if I created a “Kink Ropes.com” site, or started a Yahoo group called “Adult Roped Arts.” These are all things that people chose to create because it was a natural expression of who they are. Why did they do it? Because they wanted to. They wanted to share something about themselves with the larger world – a brilliant photographic skill, an innovative product, a gift for bringing people together to talk. None of them said, as far as I know, “You have to like this and be part of this or else you’re no longer bona fide!” I am certain, though, that there were some people who said “Oh, great. Another rope photographer.” “Do we need another rope vendor?” “Jesus, another mailing list about sex & kink? Aren’t there enough already?”

Thankfully, those people didn’t let the naysayers dictate how they chose to express their identities.

When I go to events – especially leather-based events – there are banners and flags all over the place. Littles play, BDSM rights, Uniform fetish, Bears, Boy/Boi, you name it, there’s colors fluttering everywhere. And when they create community rituals – awards, or contests, or more – they often fly those particular “colors.” Not as a rallying point, not as an imperialistic possession, but simply as a measure of “This is part of who we are, and we’re proud of it.” Some people in the rope community – some who actually are in the “we” and “us” category – would like to see a flag or banner representing the way rope has touched their lives and shaped their identity. To them, rope is more than just another tool in their kit – it is a vehicle for connection and a means of self-actualization.

Rope is certainly not that for everyone. I have a good friend here, a dom, who will often pull rope out of a sub’s bag and say “Here. Tie yourself up with that.” I don’t expect she’ll want a flag. Conversely, Jimi, David, Jack, they’ve all said they don’t want flags – and I would certainly never say that they’re less of a member of the community or less rope people because of it.

But I’m sure as hell not arrogant enough to tell TopKai or Vesper or Ten or Cannon or anyone that they shouldn’t want one. Or worse, that they can’t have one.

It’s stated very clearly, in big letters that I typed verrrrrry slowly, that the purpose behind uploading the flag is:

“If you want a Rope Pride Flag,
Here are some ideas you might use.”

That’s it. No rallying, no division, no “us-or-them.” Just choice. For people to make on their own, and for no one – not even this esteemed gathering of perverted minds – to decide for them.

Knot Proud,

Graydancer

3 Comments »

Strip Psychology

Posted in art, proporn, Rope Bondage, sex education on July 25, 2010 by admin

A recent post over at the ever-stimulating Bondage Blog shows a still from one of those “great combinations” – in this case, Asian “pinkku” films with Women-in-Prison genre. As the Ropeguy puts it, it’s time to “Strip the prisoner!”

It puts me in mind of one of the topics I bring up in my Military Style Bondage class (soon to be taught in Paradise, in fact). In particular, when we’re talking about the “handling of prisoners” in a sexual-fantasy kind of way, one of the first ways to establish a heirarchical power dynamic is to strip the prisoner. This feeds on contemporary ideas about nudity implying shame or weakness.

However, we go a little deeper into it when we’re talking about playing military prisoner mind-games. I can’t remember where I read it, so pardon the anecdotal presumption, but the idea is that women and men react to the act of clothes coming off differently. It’s a matter of choice: the idea is that women should be forced to take off their own clothes, thereby instilling a feeling of shameful cooperation with their captors, whereas men should have their clothes forcibly removed to give them a feeling of being powerless to choose either way.

Oh, yeah, she looks REAL intimidated

Obviously this is gross generalization – I can think of a lot of women for whom stripping is an act of power and defiant control of their bodies, who would use an order to “Strip!” as an opportunity to entice and cajole. I can also think of a lot of men who would see the Dionysian attack on their clothes as being an amusing way to get other people to do the work of disrobing for them.

Personally, I take the view when playing prisoner fantasy games that “overwhelming force” is the way to go – not so much a matter of “you can choose whether or not to cooperate!” but more of a “whatever I choose to happen will happen – your cooperation or lack of it is inconsequential.” Male or female, that usually leads to them being a bit off-balance. From there, like most problems, any difficulties can be solved simply by adding more rope.

Or more lube. Or, I suppose, any frightening combination of both.

What do you think? Strip ‘em down? Or make them do it for you?

1 Comment »

Graydancer

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