as reposted, with elaboration, from Fetlife:

Don’t.

Now, lemme ‘splain…

Recently I was lucky enough, in a single day, to be in contact with the leaders of four Hitchin’ Bitches groups. They spanned not only the U.S.A. but also the Atlantic, and I was hearing from all of them stories of well-meaning (or not-so) blokes who felt the need to step up and offer suggestions upon seeing a woman tying in a public space in some way different than their own.  I also heard from the leader of a Rope Bite recently that he’d had to quell a “swarming of the riggers” effect that seemed to happen whenever a female rigger would tie at one of their meetings. Hell, I have even heard about Saki Kamijoo, who is so badass as to make you weep for joy at the speed of her binding, having to deal with “advice” from her male colleagues that was less-than-useful and completely unasked for.

I also found myself watching several teachers, riggers, and even my own girl practicing CBT and having to catch myself from making suggestions when none were needed. I understand the urge! It’s the feeling that in order to be significant, you must be useful, and that person tying over there doesn’t realize just how useful you can be. So you have to let them know!

Sorry. No. Stick your hands in your pockets and STFU. […]

There were a lot of great classes that came from the GRUE in DC, and as a facilitator (as usual) I was only able to dip into bits and pieces of them. Dragon-Girl’s class on humiliation play, Frozen Mersault’s extremely well-prepared class on consensual nonconsent, Murphy Blue’s homily on the Path of Rope, the whole[…]

Many people assume that because I have prior service, or because I teach a class on military style bondage, I must be a uniform fetishist. I’m not; when I put on cammies or dress blues I don’t go to happyfunsexy place, I become Lance Corporal Miller again, defending the shores of California against the Communist[…]