As revealed to Graydancer, Ninja Sex Poodle & Ronin of Love
1. And it came to pass that in that land there were an abundance of people who did delight in sharing their kink one with another.
2. And while it was agreed that their kinks had oft been begotten by the Old Guard, verily all of their efforts to define that Old Guard fell like ripe seeds upon barren soil, bearing no fruit and causing much bitterness and strife and letters to the editor. And as none were happy with this, they stopped. And much rejoicing was heard amongst teh interwebs.
4. And while it was generally agreed upon that because of this nebulousness of form amongst our kinky forebears and foredykes and foredaddies and foreboys and forebois and thou gettest the idea, it was also evident to all that certain commonalities did exist among the communities.
5. Whereupon it came to pass in the City of Wind, amongst the flock of the prophet Howie and his many ministers and ministrixes, a small band of pansexuals did gather together to partake of the sacraments of sushi.
6. And amongst this group some did top and some did bottom and some did both, and there were players of the edge and they who of a surety were n00bs, and yet they did dwell together in that place of raw fish and edamame in harmony and laughter.
7. Verily the sushi was shared by Kimono Boy and Painslut alike, and from the cleansing power of wasabi their minds were collectively opened to revelation.
8. For while there is no one true way, yet there is still common experience shared by those who do kink in public.
9. And ten commandments were handed down from their collective soylent souls, “commandments” being defined as in any kinky endeavor as agreed upon by those parties consenting to play one with another.
10. The first of these commandments was caused by the envy of many for the member of their party whose dance card did begin with Saint Claire of Adams that night. And it was rendered thus:
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors play date.
11. And the second commandment was inspired by the travails of good Saint Jack McGeorge, who saith,
Thou shalt not out another’s kink.
12. New words were deemed necessary then to describe those who sin through disacceptance of another’s kink:
Thou shalt not commit judgery.
13. The fourth commandment, thus:
Thou shalt honor the safeword and keep it wholly;
Neither shalt thou utter the safeword in vain.
14. The fifth commandment was the shortest, needing no explanation:
Ouch is not a safeword.
15. When thou walkest amongst those who sceneth, remember well the sixth commandment:
Thou shalt not interrupt.
16. Of two parts was the seventh commandment, each the helpmeet of the other:
Thou shalt ask for what thee wants,
And thou shalt get what thee asketh for.
17. Many sad and sorrowful word formed the eighth commandment and were put therein:
Thou shalt not stand
in the corner of the dungeon
and crack thy singletail all night long.
Verily the seraph Sheryn did find fewer words to fit in the eighth commandment, rendering it thusly:
Thou shalt not be creepy.
18. With much respect and honor for the past did the ninth commandment come to be:
Unless thy name is Chuck Renslow,
Thou art probably not Old Guard.
19. The final commandment of kind was directed to those who believe they are Gods, and have forsaken the knowledge that while that may be true, there have been many Gods before and there will of a surety be many after. The tenth commandment is for all who sceneth:
Thine ego must fit
within a 4000 square foot dungeon,
Lest it afflict thy fellows
with the awful stench
Of unwashed hubris.
20. And upon the uttering of the tenth commandment, those assembled were filled with the desire to leave the land of sushi and spread their floggers and cheeks wheresoever the opportunity presenteth, being mindful of the commandments and keeping them wholly.
21. And it was good.
Previously published in Protocols, a Variety of Views, edited by Robert Rubel, PhD. Apologies to those whose religious beliefs do not have room for parody, and will therefore be offended by this.
10 thoughts on “The 10 Commandments of Kink”
holy shit, you are a genius.
This needs to be made into A Tshirt And a set of Paddles for the CSPC’s Paddles on Parade!
As long as I’m credited as the author, you have my blessing!
Probably the best thing I have read all … week at the very least, perhaps month. May I repost with full attribution?
regarding the 10th Commandment: *in play* But unwashed Hubris smells like adrenaline and Coleman fuel! I assure you I’ve had a fair number of delectables try to jump me after a spin… ;D
lol awesome, know a few people who should read this.