As I took some alone time this morning to read another chapter in Gar Reynolds’ excellent Naked Presenter, he talked about the first question that should be asked before beginning to work on any presentation: Why?
It makes sense. Many people have the what and know the how but don’t bother to figure out why their intended audience should care. As usual, my mind went to the kink scene, and in particular the scenes that I’ve seen that are just that: stunts, or using equipment just because it’s there, or just because that’s what was taught that day. Nothing wrong with that, but in my opinion that’s called “practice”, and isn’t the mind-blowing connection that so many people long for in their kink (myself included).
So, somewhere between the negotiation and checking all your safety gear, why not try asking these five questions:
- Why does this person want to play?
- Why do I want to play with this person?
- Why does this person want to play with me?
- Why am I choosing this tool/space/kink?
- Why does this turn me on?
Ask the questions. Listen to the answers. If they’re not good enough…maybe something needs to change. Maybe not. But at least you have a more clear idea of why you’re doing things, something more than “…because that’s what kinky people do.”
As Lee Harrington put it: “If you don’t jack off to flogging, why the fuck are you doing it?”