The Last Unsolicited Boobs of the (holi)Day(s)

What about fake boobs?” she wrote me in her typical direct, demanding, and concise fashion. “Do you have worry about them, like, exploding or something when you suspend people?”

Actually, to be fair to another writer (and she is an exceptional one) she may not have phrased it exactly like that. I have to paraphrase, because I can’t find the original question. To the best of my knowledge, we’ve only actually been in the same place once – last year’s Shibaricon – and we didn’t get a chance to do more than say “hey” from across the room.

However, we touch base tangentially through various social networks such as MySpace, LiveJournal (back when I was still an addict), more recently through Fetlife and Twitter (where we’ve actually had some fairly hot Direct-Message humiliation play).

In case you’re wondering about how that works, well, it’s something like this. She posted a tweet about how she was about to get off by masturbating with a hairbrush, and I sent her an appreciative “Wow, that’s classy!” tweet back. That’s how it began:

Thank you 🙂 vibrators are only for good girls.
Then definitely no vibrators for you. Too bad there’s not a toilet brush handy. More appropriate for a trollop like you.
u r such a tease. and distracting me from bruising my pussy and getting off. damn you.
Bullshit. You’re getting hotter at the thought of being fucked by a mop handle on the filthy floor of a men’s room, whore. You’d love to crawl on the floor thu puddles of piss & cum to lift your ass for another beating. Makes you wetter, no? (long pause) And now you’re just using my tweets to get off, not even bothering to respond. Selfish, BAD girl. So lucky you’re far off.
sorry. i was busy kneeling in my bay window overlooking the street and the other apartments pressing my tits on the glass and finger-fucking.
I figured as much. Too bad it’s nothing your neighbors haven’t seen before, eh? You should branch out, try a truck stop. Those guys might be desperate enough to be turned on by your scrawny bruised ass and desperately eager cunt.
i’m a sinfully lazy humiliation-whore. but i thought about you the whole time. so i am redeemed. 😉
🙂 Aw, you did? That does redeem you, and makes me feel all glowy. Er. Domly and glowy, that is. (ahem) Grrr.
yay now when i submit to unsolicited boobies of the day you’ll post me. and maybe you’ll answer my ??? about fake tits
Sure…you mean ignoring you wasn’t turning you on? Whups. My bad. You want a public answer or a private one?
ignoring me hurt my feelings. then i realized i was wet. 😉 personally i think everyone should know about fake tits and their impact on SM. Just don’t use my real name. “M” is fine. so excited. i was always curious if going silicone would ruin my love of suspension.
Shortly after that, I recieved the following in my email box:
Ms Unsolicited Boobies of the Day

M's Unsolicited Boobies of the Day

That’s right, not just unsolicited, but decorated. Now, that’s class. I’ve decorated boobies with text before, and instigated others to do it, and supposedly I have a very nice set of pics of a certain redhead’s ass with my name on it coming my way, but this kind of sudden, gritty, unasked-for humiliation (I mean, she’s a writer, and she couldn’t even write an “R” correctly!) was…stunning. I berated her later because I was surprisingly turned on at seeing this, and the last thing I needed was another kink. However, since she assured me she, too, was turned on, vengeance is mine.

Oh, and as to the question? Well, a few things come to mind.

First, stop calling them “fake.” They are real breasts that have been augmented, by the same principle your skin is augmented by high-priced emollients, your teeth are augmented by braces, and your entire body is augmented by that exercise equipment you pay money to go use. Similarly, don’t ever call them “women who are fake” in my presence, because I will stab you in the throat with a spoon, so help me I will. I’ve known a lot of women who have had their breasts augmented, for reasons from “My husband wanted me to” to “After my three kids, I wanted my boobs back” to “I wanted to make more money, dammit,” and regardless of the reason, it’s their fucking body, ok, who are you to judge?

That’s not to say you can’t have a preference, of course. Personally, I often quote Will Rogers in that area: I never met a breast I didn’t like. Just don’t be judgmental about it, ok?

Now, on to the pragmatics. Can you do suspension with augmented breasts?

Yes.

Here’s my own proof:

Symetrie, experienced Suspension Model
Symetrie, experienced Suspension Model
Symetries graduation present

Symetrie's graduation present

That is Symetrie, an experienced fetish model who has been my fellow performer and play partner for several years now (in fact, she’s a major part of the reason I kept the “Ninja Sex Poodle” epithet). When we first started playing, I asked her if there were anything in particular I should worry about when tying her wonderful boobies. Her response? “Nah, not really.” (She went to the Philip the Foole school of negotiation, I believe). I’ve suspended her in many, many, many wonderful ways, and the only thing we’ve had troubles with is living 5 hours apart so it only happens once in a blue moon.

But her augmented boobies (with extra decorations, you may note). Not a problem at all.

More on this in an upcoming ropecast, when I’ll hopefully interview with a much wider experience with boobies than myself: Lochai.

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