While this might have seemed like a no-brainer, I’m not going to sit here and give people advice on how to perform fellatio, as some of my esteemed colleagues have done. One in particular is a het male who somehow manages to teach women-only workshops on how to give better blowjobs. That blows my mind, if you’ll pardon the phrase.
My own class is called “How to Receive Blowjobs Gracefully.” And much like my class on Making Out, it’s usually met with an amused, derisive comment: Why would anyone need a class on that?
For both classes, I answer with another question: Have you ever made out with/given a blow job to someone who you wished had taken a class like that?
Almost always, the person looks to the lower left (I’m not sure what that implies psychologically in terms of memory, but it’s consistent) and after a moment gives a grudging “Oh…yeah….”
I’ve also had people – usually fellow sex educators, in fact – give a skeptical wink-nudge kind of grin and say something along the lines of “You just want an excuse to get a blowjob in public.” Which frankly says a lot more about them than me, I realize, and their own fantasies, because for me, nothing is further from the truth. First of all, if I want to have a public blowjob, I don’t have to arrange for a class to do it; I’ll just go to a public event where such things happen and they can go to town. People seem to think that my penchant for public sex acts implies that I am an exhibitionist. I’m not, actually – I just don’t care if someone is watching. It doesn’t make me hotter, but it doesn’t embarrass me, either, and somehow that fact eludes people.
Second of all, if I am going to get a blowjob, I will enjoy it much, much more if I am not simultaneously trying to work through a three-page teaching outline, engaging a class and fielding questions and such. Seriously, if I’m getting a blowjob, especially from one of the partners who has taught that particular class with me, I really would rather we both can concentrate on the experience.
The fact is that every time I give the class – from the first time to the most recent – afterwards someone has come up to me and thanked me for the things I brought up in the class. The most poignant came the next day, from a woman who told the following story:
The first blowjob I gave was on guard duty in Iraq. I told him I’d do it, but I didn’t want him to cum in my mouth. Of course, when he came, he forced my head down on his cock and I got a mouthful. It was horrible.
The second time I gave one, back in the states, I told the guy the same thing: Don’t cum in my mouth. And again, he forced my head down when he came and it was disgusting and horrible and I wasn’t ever able to do that again, not even for my Master.
After we watched your class, knowing that he had heard all the things you said about consideration for your partner and how to find the ways you both can enjoy it…I was able to finally trust him enough to go down on him, last night. And it was wonderful.
True story. And if that was the only positive result of that class, it would have been worth it. Make all the snide comments you want, I’m going to keep teaching the classes that help people have better sex lives.
No matter how many blowjobs I have to receive gracefully.
Five Fellatio Favorites:
- My favorite position for fellatio is 69. Not because I especially want to please my partner; I just like eating pussy, and doing it while having a blowjob is the epitome of “two great tastes that taste great together.”
- Deep throating, fancy tonguework, dirty talk, clever hands, all of it is trumped by simple lusty desire and enthusiasm. Give me a cock-hungry cumslut (or vice versa) over a fancy wooful tantrikette every time.
- One of the most powerful dominant feelings I enjoy is when a woman begs to suck my cock and I tell her “No.“
- One of the best arguments I know of for long-term relationships is that practice makes awesome, especially for blowjobs. Deliberate practice, that is. If you’re just trying to get me off as fast as possible, we’re both going to get bored pretty quickly.
- Having more than one person giving you a blowjob at the same time is…well, not overrated, but unless the two of them are both talented and cooperative with each other, it’s going to just be a sloppy mess. Which isn’t a bad thing, necessarily, but may not be the sensual delight that you fantasize about.
Shameless plug: For the best blowjob tips from some of the best sex educators out there – people like Reid Mihalko, Sabrina Morgan, Sara Vibes and Indigo, Jacq Jones, and yes, my own humble self, check out PassionateU. If you can’t invest $20 to spend a month learning about how to have better sex, oral or otherwise…well, then frankly you deserve the sex you have, and good luck to you.
I do, however, feel a little bad for your partner…