Co-ed Naked Settlers of Cataan

In an online conversation with a dear friend, he commented offhand “You know, I’ve made so many bad decisions when I was horny…

Like most good friends, I heartily agreed. And then suddenly it occurred to me that I’ve never heard the opposite said: “I’ve made so many great decisions when I was horny…

And it occurred to me to wonder: why is that?

When I asked him that very question, he replied with the same phrase that probably went through your mind: “Cuz I was thinking with the little head…”

There Is No Little Head

Normally I would chuckle and our conversation would go on to more important subjects, like boobies. But for some reason this time that idea bothered me. “No, y’know, the thing is, you weren’t. There aren’t any brain cels there. You were thinking with the exact same head that helped you come up with all those great ideas.* So why does ‘horny’ make you stupid?”

We didn’t have time to go into it then, but it stuck in my head. It’s like dear Dr. Myrtle from A Woman’s Touch says: “Men aren’t from Mars. Women aren’t from Venus. We’re all from Earth. Deal with it.” Saying “I was thinking with my little head” is a cop-out, an excuse that’s not even real.

With a little more research, though, we can figure out what it is. The body in an aroused and turned-on state is very similar to the body in a stressed-out state (which might be why we enjoy stressing each other out here in kinkland). And it’s a well-known phenomenon that for most folks, making decisions under stress alters judgement.

At the same time, there are a lot of occupations – Firefighter, police officer, EMT – where people have to make good decisions under stressful circumstances. Heck, I’ve been in several of those occupations, as a Marine, an EMT, and a preschool teacher. So is it innate ability, or can it be taught?

Kareem Ab-Gom Jabbar

Now, of course in today’s self-help world the answer is always yes. But I provide that link only for those of you without the imagination to continue with me down this field of speculation. See, in researching, over and over I found that basically the way they train people to make good decisions under pressure is to put them under pressure and then have them make decisions. Intellectual decisions that require brain power but that don’t have dire consequences for failure, and pressure that isn’t actually going to have permanent repercussions.

Sort of combining an athletic endeavor like basketball with a mental test such as the Bene Gesserit might contrive (if you don’t know who they are, get off my blog and go read Dune. And I said READ, not WATCH! Confounded youngsters…where was I?). Or Chess Boxing. Or, to make it more kinky (and include the element of chance), naked speed fellatio cunnilingus backgammon.

Then I realized that I was leaving out one of the primary (sic) elements of the kink scene: the poly folks! It’s not just that you have to make decisions under pressure of sexual arousal with one other partner, it’s often with several other partners.

Therefore, I propose, for the improved safety of all dungeons, a mandatory co-ed naked Settlers of Cataan night prior to any event. I’ve never actually played the game, mind you, but I hear it takes some brains, several people, and can be on a table, which leaves under the table free for the test administrators to…um…administrate.

Madison’s already got a Kinky Gamer Night, and I think it’s in some other locales as well. Perhaps we already have the groundwork for a certification process…

One thought on “Co-ed Naked Settlers of Cataan

  • Does it count as bad decision making that I keep WATCHING Dune hoping that it somehow transforms into something more in line with what I read?

    Maybe I need to play your type of backgammon, or something more stressful, before I watch any more cable TV.

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