RAZOR: Risk Aware Zombie Orgasmic Restraint

with special thanks and a dedication to JinxedKisses and DeviantTouch, hosts of the YoungAndKinky podcast, and current leaders of the Madison, WI Zombie Lurch. Addendum: Zombie lurch was originally founded by MadIvy, another insanely cool Madison person.

Presented for your edification this Halloween season, the definitive guide to RAZOR: Risk-Aware Zombie Orgasmic Restraint.

  1. “BRAAAIIIINNNNNSSSSS!!” is not a safeword.
  2. Circulation issues with zombie rope bondage? Not so much.
  3. A blow to the head will kill, yes. Striking the ass, however, will stimulate a different kind of primal appetite.
  4. The concept of “Fluid Bonding” has less to do with STIs and more to do with superglue, epoxy, & keeping limbs attached
  5. “S/he fucked my brains out” is no longer really a good thing…also, the phrase “My girlfriend is late” may have a different meaning.
  6. Likewise, “giving head” may not be the concept you are accustomed to. Beware of misunderstanding rope harness directions that say “Begin with a bight…”
  7. Choking a zombie is the only form of breath play approved by Jay Wiseman. Note: “choke outs” may take a bit longer than usual.
  8. In suspension, mats are unnecessary. Tarps, mops, Lysol, & buckets to catch spare parts may be useful for aftercare, though.
  9. Shouting “It’s called necrophilia, and I’m a-gonna FEEL ya!” (or “FILL ya!“) is strangely appropriate in zombifuckery.
  10. ZombiBondage is the only form of bondage where it is actually cheaper to literally cut your bottom out of the ropes, not vice versa.

This Risk Aware Zombie Orgasmic Restraint PSA is a service of www.Ropecast.net. Please be careful out there; remember, bights, not bites.

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