M is for Masturbation

a-to-z-letters-mIt’s one of the things that a lot of sex educators will say everybody does it. Yet do they? I’ve known people – hell, I’ve had lovers – who have said they never really masturbated, at least not out of some innate natural desire.

My own masturbatory habits were a mixed bag of blessed and unfortunate ignorance. I discovered the joy of prostate massage all by myself (Yay!) and discovered that liquid laundry detergent is not a good lube (Ow!) with equal aplomb, and became expert at not only silent orgasm but also the “silent jack” – as in, you would never hear a fap-fapping noise coming from my bedroom, I was a slow-stroking kind of guy.

However, all this also meant that I didn’t really understand that the ejaculate filling my hand was the same thing as “cumming”. In fact, the first time I actually had sex, I was on top of her, enthusiastically pumping in that way that a horny teen can, and had that same tingly feeling down there that I had when I masturbated – but since this was sex, I figured that something else must be coming (no pun intended) and so I just kept going (in that way that a horny teen can). The “tingly” came at least once more before my girlfriend asked, in a disbelieving tone, “Haven’t you cum yet?”

I looked at her, a little abashed. “I…I’m not sure.” I explained what I’d felt, and when she realized I’d cum twice and was still going, she laughed, head back, muttering “Oh my god, I’ve created a monster…”

Ah, youth. Wasted on the young.


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