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The biggest rookie mistake you can make with a hogtie? Thinking you’re going to have penetrative genital sex using two sets of hips. You can have oral sex, you can use a dildo, fingers, have all kinds of fun. Some of the most hot and sexy moments of my life have been with hogties. But if you’re looking for hot thrusting hip-slamming action…the hogtie is a sadface recipe.



most of us will get turned on at night by the very same things that we will demonstrate against during the day…- Esther Perel

I’ve seen some really disturbing hentai (graphic and violently sexual comics or animation). I’ve also read some disturbing historical fiction, some revolting accounts of actual events, and seen absolutely atrocious attempts at performance art. Is it sick and twisted? Yes. Is it also hot and arousing? To some, and I would rather they get off that way than repress the urges and let them come out in less harmless venues.

“I love watching hentai! I can enjoy all the tentacle rape without having to feel bad for the actress.” – former lover.


Pop quiz! I need to write something for my kinky blog starting with the letter H. What’s the first word that comes to mind?” I point at my (adult) nephew. “You first!

Hmmm…” he says.

Perfect! Thanks!” I say, and run to my keyboard…

“Hmmm” is like “Ooops”, in that it is often one of the things they tell dominant types that they shouldn’t say. It expresses uncertainty, makes it seem to the bottom that you might not be completely in control of the situation (as if you ever could be).

I disagree – I think that a well-placed, noncommittal “Hmmm…” can be a wonderful tool for inspiring fear and letting the bottom’s imagination terrorize them far more effectively than any trash-talking on my part.  If you’d like to try that out, allow me to offer a few choice phrases that may help you along:


  • “…I believe this has suddenly gotten much more interesting.”
  • “…it’s never done that before. Wonder if…ah, well, we’ll just have to see.”
  • “…that might make things more difficult. Eh, who gives a fuck?”
  • (shrug) “Brace yourself.”


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