Notes on Connection

As part of the Wicked Grounds Holiday Dinner, I offered a two-hour bondage lesson to whoever the lucky raffle ticket winner was. It was RopeMonk, who also runs the San Francisco RopeBite, and he asked me for a short class on building connection in a scene. With the help of the lovely ClurraBella we spent two hours talking about some really neat stuff and doing rope. He’s agreed to let me share the notes from the class here; consider them food for thought, and if you want to know more, well, I’ve got quite reasonable rates…

Notes on Building & Keeping Connection & Flow in a Rope Scene

  • Don’t put distance between you and your rope bottom. Be as close as you can while still respecting boundaries
  • Ask before touching, but if you want to touch, ask.
  • Maintain contact through touch or rope tension throughout the scene.
  • Give some indication of what you’re going to do before you do it. “I’m going to put a chest harness on you” is ok, but “The rope is going on these beautiful breasts” might be better. On the other hand, “Gonna tie you down, bitch, before I smack and fuck that sweet ass” might be preferred by some. Know your bottom.
  • If you want nudity, ask for it. The worst that can happen is they say “no”.
  • Confidence as you move the bottom’s body around is always good.
  • Acknowledge mistakes if they’re obvious, like hitting her in the face with the rope, but don’t draw attention to it. He can’t see that you didn’t tie the Somerville bowline quite right behind his back; why tell him? Never say “oops” unless it’s immediately followed by “Eh, who gives a fuck?
  • If you have to backtrack, don’t say “I did that wrong.” Say something like “Ooh…you’ve got a really great body. I’ve got a better idea for this…” Then start over.
  • Precision & hesitation is for photographic shoots. If you want energy, give up the pursuit of perfection. Don’t become the Graveyard of Passion.
  • When possible, pull the rope across the body, letting it caress the skin.
  • If you have loose bands of rope, find a way to make them tighter.
  • Communicate throughout the scene. It should be a conversation, either with words or through touch.
  • At the end of the scene, you should know where your head is at, and have some idea where your bottom’s head was at. Discuss it, and see how close you both were. The more you know about each other, the better the next scene will be.

    Rigging: Graydancer Model: FaerieRing Photographer: Starven

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