Kinky Classes Offered by Graydancer

August 26, 2007

Would you like to have Graydancer teach at your event?

If you’re looking for my public bio and pics, click here.

Teaching in NYC at Fontana's with Tenamorette

Teaching “Tie ‘Em Up & Fuck ‘Em” in NYC

I got my start teaching rope more than a decade ago, but since that time my skills and curriculum has grown far beyond just being a “Rope Guy.” Above any particular subject or tool I consider myself a teacher, with the ability to present on a wide variety of subjects for the kink and leather community using concepts and methods that are universally applicable. This enables me to offer unique and customized experiences for attendees using methodologies like Open Space, “Fishbowl” discussions, and Ignite-style presentations.

I also offer private lessons and coaching for a variety of kink-related activities including impact tools, rough-body technique, power exchange relationships, sensation play, role play, and of course rope bondage skills. Contact me to discuss what how we can work together.

Need an MC or Keynote Speaker for your event? I’ve given keynotes and acted as an MC for several events around the country. I’m an experienced public speaker and performer, and can tailor my work to the needs of the venue and audience. For an example of a keynote I gave, see the writeup of the Austin Ropecraft Symposium (warning: some nudity).

Classes are available in three formats, based on time available:

  1. DEMONSTRATION: This type of class shows a particular technique or concept (such as “basic suspension”)  in a clear and illustrative way, allowing for questions from the class and some discussion. Best for 30 minute – 1 hour class blocks.
  2. PRESENTATION: A presentation will take a broad concept such as “dominance and submission” or “predicament bondage” and give several examples and demonstrations. Questions and discussions are a part of the presentation, and it is designed to give a palette of possibilities for the attendees to explore on their own. Best for 75 – 90 minute class blocks.
  3. PRACTICUM: If you’re looking to give your attendees some hands-on skills to take with them from the class, this is the style you want. For subjects such as cigar play, rope skills or pressure points this will provide them with direct feedback and instruction from Gray and his assistants, giving them the ability to do the techniques themselves safely and confidently when they leave the class. For this kind of personal feedback two-hour or longer class blocks are required, in addition to TA’s depending on the size of the class.


In ten years of public play and many more in private, I have developed a great deal of practical knowledge of rope bondage, I’ve even learned to use other accessories like the ones found at Nine years of the Ropecast (an online internet show about kink & rope bondage) as well as three years as the content developer for Kink Academy has put me in touch with the most interesting, educated and skilled kinksters out there. That is combined with decades of performing, teaching, and presenting experience. I can confidently say that I can present on just about any rope topic you would like.

Here are some examples of rope classes I can offer:

  1. A New Rope“- The Rope 101 class we wish we’d had when we were starting.
  2. Intermediate Ties” – Hogties, leg and arm, and Body harnesses
  3. Japanese Style Bondage” – Advanced ties such as the “TK”, other gote-style harnesses, Teppo-shibari, etc.
  4. Fun Chest Harnesses” – Breaking down the chest tie technique into a rope vocabulary enabling you to create your own. Especially good for a variety of body types, genders, and power dynamics.
  5. Takedowns & Hogties: First commissioned by Master Conrad for Sin in the City, this class combines two great techniques: the body mechanics and dirty tricks to take down your partner and a variety of hogtie techniques to keep them helpless for whatever nefarious purposes you’ve both consented to.

Is there something you’d like to see me present that you don’t see listed? Let me know  and let’s figure out how I can help round out your event’s rope curriculum. If I can’t teach it, odds are I can recommend someone who can! Also:


“I don’t do rope; it takes too long!” It’s a common refrain heard from people all over. Subtitled “Rope Bondage for the Impatiently Kinky” this class aims to dispel that myth with practical, speedy, and above all erotic techniques for rope. Fast body harnesses to improve your fucklife, methods of handling rope in a sensually effective way, and ideas for to keeping a scene hot from the first wrap to the last tangled ropegasm on the floor. Graydancer, host of the long-running Ropecast on the internet will share all the Great Secrets of Rope in his irreverent and engaging style. Whether you’re an experienced rigger, just took Basic Bondage, or are just curious about this whole “rope” thing,  this class will have something in it to help you tie or be tied.


GrayNaiiaCigarPlayWhen you combine cigars with the potential of rope bondage you have a truly unforgettable experience. Graydancer combines his love of the leaf with his passion for rope to introduce and explore the lush experience of a good rope/cigar scene. Learn specific techniques for tying your partner in ways that highlight the ritual, power, and sensation of cigar play, as well as the extra safety considerations that rope adds to kinky play. Explicitly demonstrated by Gray and his partner, you will be encouraged to participate with your own exploration of the dance of rope and ash. This class focuses on the “play” part of cigar play and leaves the esoteric labels to the google-fu of the participants. You are encouraged to bring your own cigars for yourself and for the joy of sharing, but it’s not a requirement – solo, couple, or multiple partners are all welcome to enjoy the atmosphere of knotty smoke!

ROPE: Connection and Flow.
This is a class for rope tops and bottoms to learn how to use rope bondage not as an end unto itself but rather a vehicle into transcendent scenes and intense connection. It’s a combination of practical rope handling techniques to get the rope out of the way and speed bondage to get from point A to point O faster. Learn how to be more present and graceful in your rope bondage on the top and the bottom and have that mind-blowing scene you’ve wanted.
One of the many thrilling ways to play with rope lies in the realm of suspension – taking away not only the movement of the bottom, but even their connection to the earth. At the same time, suspension can be very dangerous, and there are many safety concerns to be dealt with long before the rope ever touches the body.In this class, Graydancer will explain the various aspects of creating a suspension scene – hard points, hardware, rope choice, basic knots, safety concerns, and more. He will also teach a basic hip harness and chest harness that can be used for a safe and relatively comfortable horizontal face-up suspension. Depending on class time and size, this may be a hands-on class, or it may be restricted to a demo. However, Graydancer will also be available later in the event for “office hours” for more one-on-one coaching on what was learned in the class.

Ms. Berlin rigged by Graydancer


Continuing from where the basic suspension class leaves off, Graydancer will explore the physiology of suspension, and how that affects strategies of rigging for other kinds, such as face down, sideways, and inversions. Alternative harnesses and hardware such as swivels will be discussed, as well as some talk about “Ok, the bottom’s up…Now what?” Depending on class size and time, this will be a combination hands-on/demo, with the conclusion being a fast Japanese-inspired rope suspension performance.

GROUND FLOW: Building Dynamic Floorwork
Floorwork is hard. It doesn’t have the innate risk and thrill of suspension which means the creation of an exciting scene is up to the participants. That makes floor work a great opportunity to use imagination, presence, and body mechanics and truly “fly on the floor.” This class will briefly explore the dynamic arc of a floor work scene such negotiation, preparation, execution (er, I mean, “casting/receiving”), and aftercare. However, the majority of the class will be spent in hands-on techniques exploring sensations and transitions between forms using various bondage techniques along with body mechanics and momentum.


THE DOMINANT BODY: Health, Style, and Movement for Big-Letter Types

The body is more than just a vehicle for the mind; it is also the instrument by which the dominant person communicates their will into the world. Regardless of your dominant archetype this class will provide suggestions of simple habits, body mechanics, and some thoughtful fashion choices to support and intensify your dominant presence in scene and in life.


Cigars have a rich tradition in the leather community, and are packed full of history and ritual and a depth of sensation that makes them perfect for kinky play. Whether you’re into the fear of a cherry-red hot tip hovering near skin, or the literal breathless abandon of sharing a smokerise with your lover, Graydancer will help introduce and explore with you the lush experience of a good cigar scene. Learn both the safe and the spectacular tricks of good cigar topping as well as how to enjoy the service and submission that can be found in a nice tight ash. This class focuses on the play part of cigar play, and leaves the esoteric labels to the google-fu of the participants. NOTE: While a smoking environment is preferred for this class, it is also available in a “no fire” environment that still provides the hands-on skills necessary for cigar play.

“…thank you for your amazing class at Fusion. You have brought some excellent ideas and teachings to light that a service provider like me, truly appreciates.” – Cami_Lucida


At its essence, being in a D/s relationship is an exercise in creativity. How do you create the interactions and habits that nurture your relationship and also stimulate your dominant and submissive natures? How can you structure and utilize your environment to support the power exchange relationship? What are some strategies for when the well runs dry? Gray and Naiia will break down some common elements of protocols and then lead attendees in exercises to come up with effective methods for creating new protocols to bring partners closer and make the D/s even hotter.


“Show me that you love me by beating me like you hate me.” – Cherry Doll. There is a lot of focus on trust in D/s relationships, but there’s another quality that is necessary for intimacy: the discomfort and risk of vulnerability for both sides of the power exchange. Can you risk being all of yourself, even the parts that you aren’t proud of? Can you still believe your partner will love you even after they know you? Authenticity carries risk. This class explores some of the barriers to intimacy, including things we often substitute for the scary feeling of “being in the mess together”. Drawing on the work of experts on vulnerability such as Brené Brown as well as hard-learned personal experience, Graydancer leads the discussion of how to take the plunge and fully realize the potential of an intimate D/s relationship.


Many of Graydancer’s relationships have been with partners who lived hundreds of miles away. Over the years he and his partners developed strategies, rituals, and habits to help cultivate intimacy over distance. This class explores these practices as well as opportunities for service, sexual enjoyment, and the foundations for the transitioning to Very Close relationships if that’s where your paths lead. Graydancer explains the how’s and why’s and the principles behind them, giving you the ability to apply them to your own relationship if you choose and possibly leverage the power of distance to paradoxically increase the intimacy between you and your partner in power exchange.


Are you leather? Do you want to be? Some roll their eyes at the idea of “Old Guard”; others take off their covers out of respect for those who have passed. This class gives a perspective of the cultural phenomenon known as “leather” – gifted, earned, rebel motorcycle clubs, Stonewall, AIDS, competitions, bootblacking, and more. We will engage in controversial subjects like gender, orientation, cultural appropriation and privilege, but don’t let that scare you; we will also talk shop about cruising, rough sex, cigars, piss, and cocksucking. Graydancer, editor of the leather documentary “Sisterhood of the Sash” and former DO Dirty Pig, gives an entertaining and thought-provoking introduction to the legend, culture, and personal journey that is “Leather.”



There are many classes on how to give blowjobs – but what about receiving them? This hands-on (so to speak) lecture/demonstration illustrates the ways the person with the cock can better communicate, interact, and accommodate their partner rather than just lying there. From negotiating deep-throating to safer sex negotiation to the money shot, this class covers the other side of the blowjob in specific and graphic detail.

KINKBUSTERS: Questioning our Assumptions about Kink

Always carry safety shears. Never put rope around the neck. Don’t flog the kidneys. Real riggers rig barefoot. The kink world is full of tropes and customs that have moved into the realm of dogma. Graydancer takes a look at these conventions and asks “Why?” Some of these may have real reasons behind them, but others may not only be false, they may be dangerous. Take a look at the reality behind the “safe” techniques through a “MythBusters”-style presentation and increase your risk awareness. Playing near the edge means knowing which rules to break and when to break them.

The DEFINING MOMENT: Getting What You Want Out of Kink

This class is a practical, step by step guide to fully realizing your kinky self. Starting from fantasy, Graydancer takes you through a process that gets you to that defining moment, the ineffable feeling of fulfillment when that fantasy is made real. Along the way you will also learn tools of risk-management, figuring out what aftercare is needed, and most of all answering the most important question: How can we do that again?

Whether you’re into rope, leather, chains, or fuzzy bunny suits, the Defining Moment can offer you tools to take your play to a more visceral level, from a place of internal motivation rather than external. What do you want to DO? Rather than start with what you saw in a picture or book, let’s focus on the results you want. Whether you want to play for sex, for pretty, for pain, or some combination, the focus will be on how to DO what you want to do, using principles rather than step-by-step processes. It’s an interactive class with plenty of class participation, and demonstrations. The skill level of this class is appropriate for anyone from the rank beginner to intermediate and advanced, because of its focus on practical skills and principles-based instruction. This has been one of Graydancer’s most popular classes at venue after venue because of its value to kinksters of all levels and interests.


Modeled after the EMT Certification Practical Test, this class will present several role-playing bondage scenarios with “problems.” Various class members will be given the opportunity to role-play their reactions and solutions to the problems, followed by constructive discussion by the entire class facilitated by Graydancer. The goal is to provide a more visceral experience for tops and bottoms to identify potential issues in rope bondage and creatively develop strategies for solving them. Entertaining and often surprising, this class provides attendees with new insights into their own kink abilities.

WOO-WOO WTF: Scene Energy for Skeptics

When it works, kink and BDSM can be a profoundly moving experience, sometimes described as “touching the divine.” But if “the divine” is not part of your worldview, you can be left wondering what the hell it was that you touched! Graydancer uses this class to explore non-spiritual contexts for understanding “scene energy,” from neurochemistry to Eastern medicine to neurolinguistic programming and evolutionary models. More importantly, the class will help you develop strategies for dealing with that energy when it happens in a constructive way for both yourself and your partner. You don’t have to ignore it when the woo happens, nor does it have to freak you out. Knowledge is power, and learning how to get what you want out of the weird shit that happens in a scene can add a powerful tool to your kinky skillset.

Beating in Tongues: Power Exchange Using Languages

Do you and/or your partner speak another language? From Latin to Klingon to Russian, using language – or the lack thereof – as part of your kinky play can be an amazing stimulation to the biggest sexual organ: the brain. Graydancer will discuss several different scenarios, including humiliation play, “verbal bondage,” literary D/s, role-playing and more. Interactive demonstrations will be part of the class, beginning to end. You don’t have to be bi, lingual or otherwise, to get some kinky inspiration for your next hot scene.

Full-contact Dom

A combination of dance and martial arts, this class focuses on methods of maintaining and utilizing a physical connection between the top and the bottom. Whether you’re focusing on takedowns or sensual rope, using full-contact and focusing techniques can increase the enjoyment of any scene. Remember, if you’re not cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’.

Military Style Bondage

Military-style bondage draws from the traditions of the samurai, the cavalry, the native Americans, special forces, and even various fictional sources to explore the fun of role-play in a Military style. Explore not only the physical forms of restraint and the reasoning behind them (including how to modify them for the safety and comfort of your “prisoner”) but also the psychological aspects of military discipline, interrogation techniques, and especially the methods of securing and manipulating the male body.

Fetish Performance Techniques 

Let’s face it, some of us do rope not for the hot sexy flesh and cords, but because it looks COOL! This class will start with a demonstration of how NOT to stage a bondage performance (whether with rope or other toys). We’ll then discuss the aspects of performance that can apply to the art of fetish and bondage, using examples and workshopping it with participants. The class will close with an example of what Graydancer considers to be adequate performance technique, with the demonstrative help of his Filthy Assistant.

HOT & KINKY: Lessons Learned on the Perv Road

Join Graydancer for a lighthearted and educational look at the why’s what’s, and how’s of kink. Drawing on years of experience as a kinkster and educator, Graydancer explores the key rules that help kinky people get the most out of their experience. How do we play on the feelings and turn them up to 11? Topics covered include things like the flow of a kinky scene,  planning, negotiation, how to deal with the things that go differently than expected, and how to adjust and go with changes in emotion, intent, and energy. It’ll all be in the context of “hot & kinky,” with hot demonstrations, laughter, and a guarantee you’ll come out of it wanting to get down and dirty!

TWO-PLAY: The Art of Making Out

Rediscover the lost art of the backseat, the front porch, the stolen moments in the coat room. This is a class to rekindle the pleasures of first and second base, to explore and develop the skills that charge those make-out sessions with romantic connections that last a lifetime. Topics range from practical tips on kissing to the Ancient Kama Sutra Secrets of the Grope and cultivating the attitude of erotic anticipation that leads to That Great Kiss. Step by step, each skill building on the next, by the end you’ll be full of ideas of how to make making out outstanding. Please bring a practice partner, all genders & orientations welcome. This class has also been featured on the Kink Academy website.


Open Space

This method of skill sharing and cooperative learning was created by Harrison Owen and first implemented in a kink context at Graydancer’s Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza (GRUE) in 2007. Since that time the self-organizing and participant-driven experience has been adopted by many other conventions and organizations including Fetfest, Shibaricon, TESFest, the RopenSpace, and New England Erotic Hypnosis Unconference. Gray has a great deal of experience and training facilitating these within a wide variety of time frames, ranging from three hours to three days. Open Spaces also are eminently scalable: Gray’s facilitated with as few as eight participants to more than four hundred successfully. Open Space as a methodology can create a unique environment and opportunity for your group.

“Fishbowl” Discussion

Designed to take place within an hour or longer class time, the “Fishbowl” method of group discussion provides a safe space for complex or sensitive subjects to be talked about honestly and openly in the presence of different demographics. Top/Bottom/Switch, Master/Slave, Dominant/Submissive, Old Guard/New Leather, Presenter/Organizer, any group can get a chance to answer questions from their peers and know that their answers will be heard. You determine the groups or the topic, and Gray will facilitate the discussion and hold the space.

KINKJAM: Ignite-style Showcase

The Ignite format of presentations is simple: presenters have five minutes and twenty slides to make their case, tell their story, pimp their cause. The catch is that the slides will advance every 15 seconds, no matter what, putting an element of time pressure into the mix that energizes both the speaker and the audience. The KINKJAM is Gray’s version of this technique (since we’re a little too salacious for the official IGNITE folks). With enough lead time and a projector Gray can fill an evening with fast-paced hot presentations unique to your attendees.