Control. It comes in many forms, and is a fantasy craved by both sides of the power dynamic (before you switches get into a huff, I’m not leaving you out; you just crave both sides of the fantasy, greedy bastards that you are).
Sometimes the craving becomes a compulsion – such as the “control freak”, who tries to micro-manage every aspect of their environment they can get their hands on, whether they want to or not. I’m very thankful that is not one of my vices; I am more than happy to let some things go.
For me, the fantasy of control lies in the organizational porn I consume – the day planners, the new Getting-Things-Done lifehacks, the promise of a fresh moleskine and a shiny pen. “This will stop the chaos” these things whisper to me. “We are the tools with which you can turn the maelstrom into a ballet.” My fantasy of control lies in one of the few personal mottoes I’ve ever come up with and liked: Dance, don’t scramble. It lies in the idea of calm, and grace.
Within my kink, the fantasy lies in the ability to lift a finger, or give a slight nod, and have another respond instantly and correctly with the outcome I desire. Sometimes it is a position, and the stimulus/outcome is like a finely-tuned dance. Sometimes it is a pragmatic result such as perfect coffee or lips wrapped around my cock. Sometimes it is simply that flush of her face as she registers how much she shares the other side of that fantasy of control.
It’s important, though, to recognize that pairing of words: fantasy and control. I read well-meaning advice from experienced tops saying “A dominant must be absolutely in control of the entire scene!” and I shake my head. There are far too many variables in life for someone to be in control of themselves, much less another, and when you add in time, action, and environment the idea that you “control” with any measure of precision becomes ludicrous.
You can shape. You can increase the probability of a certain outcome. You can stay flexible and graceful and give the appearance that whatever is happening is exactly the way you planned it. Usually that fools any audience, and occasionally it may also fool your bottom.
But god help you if it fools you. Believe that you are actually controlling circumstances, and you will be in for a very, very rude awakening.