You’ll enjoy both your ice cream and your roller coasters much more that way.
reBOUND, Shibari Style Impressions by David Lawrence
Posted in art, cool people, photography, Rope Bondage on February 8, 2011 by GrayThis may not come as a surprise, but I see a lot of rope bondage pictures. And videos. And live performances. And erotica. I actually read the text of Master’s K’s Beauty of Kinbaku, and loved every second of it.
It’s a fault, to be honest. The stuff just interests me. I’m not proud of it.
But keep it in mind when I tell you, point blank, that David Lawrence’s photographic book Bound remains the most beautiful collection of rope bondage photography I’ve ever seen. Not because of the models, or the ropework, but because they all come to a conjunction in the pages of the book that makes it greater than the sum of its parts. It’s a breathtaking experience to go into that book, to take its oversized solid binding into your hands and open it and let your eyes dive in…
Of course, you can’t look at it. It’s sold out. Out of print. OK, maybe if you bribe me with whiskey, dark chocolate, and unspecified sexual favors, I’ll let you hold it. Just for a little while. Ok, that’s enough, even you thinking about it is making me twitchy. Give it back.
Perhaps I’ll be more willing to share in about a month, when I get my copy (pre-ordered quite a while ago, because I knew it would be worth the wait) of reBOUND, Shibari Style Impressions. This is the next phase of David’s work, and he deserves kudos just for attempting to follow that first act. You can see a preview of the work by clicking on the link, but I gotta tell ya: it’s about as close to actually having the book as looking at a picture is to actually tying someone up.
In other words, not at all.
I can see by your face that you’re skeptical. And that’s understandable, because I still haven’t really talked about why exactly his work is so fucking good. Bad blogger, Gray, no biscuit. OK, fine, let me see if I can try…
Hmm.
OK, it’s like this: most bondage art photography bears something of the personality of the person who did it. Lochai’s Occupied, Lee’s Black Book, even Midori’s prints from The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. Hell, the instructional pics in Douglas Kent’s books scream “DOUGLAS KENT”.
That is, of course a subjective view. I know all of these people, some fairly intimately, so of course I’d project the personality on the pictures, right? Even given that there are other photographers whose work I’ve learned to spot without ever meeting them (Ian Rath, by the way, at some point I owe you a drink. Or ten.). All of them are something of a collaboration: the eye of the photographer with the experience of the model. If the photographer is also the rigger, there’s even more of their personality involved, in my opinion.
Except for David Lawrence.
I know David, and call him friend. He’s not a quiet man. You wouldn’t call him an unassuming presence. Hell, it could even be said that he’s an arrogant rigger, because of his penchant for fitting the bodies to his ties as opposed to the other way around. I’d say it’s probably more confidence than arrogance, but sometimes that line gets blurry.
But when I look at his pictures…I don’t see him. Somehow he manages to get out of the way and let the subjects tell their own relationship – between the rope and their body, between the partners, the snake, the candle wax, or just gravity and the hard, cold floor below.
Don’t get me wrong; I still know it’s David’s photography, and I can see and admire the audacity of location and the artistic composition and technical skill and all that shit that keeps me from trying to compete in the world of bondage photography. But David gives us the gift of photos that go beyond that, that triggers that inner resonant frequency. I look at the pictures, and somehow I see in the lines, the expressions, the shades of gray that same feeling of satisfaction that I get when I hold a piece of hemp in my hand, or when I look at my partner bound and smiling on the floor. I see that same fault, if that’s the right word, that keeps us tying and being tied.
David Lawrence gets it, and more than that, he manages to share it through photographs in a way that is rare and beautiful. I appreciate that.
From what I hear, reBound is going to be a limited print run too. That’s why I’m glad I got mine early. If you’re lucky, maybe Cupid will get one for you, too. If not, well…I guess I could share. Maybe. But we’re talkin’ 90% or more cacao, baby, and that whiskey had better be older than my niece.
Otherwise, honeychild, we’re going to be getting pretty fucking specific…
The Leap
Posted in art, play, writing on February 4, 2011 by GrayLast night, as I was trying to get to the Red Umbrella Project, I had spent a bit too long chatting with the charming Arden. So my connection on the subway, from the A line to the B, was pretty tight. Getting off the A line, I ran down the stairs to what I thought was the B line and saw a train right there, doors open.
I ran, doing the traditional grand jete over the threshold, and as the doors closed behind me, I realized I had no idea what train I was on. I hadn’t bothered to look; the door was open, and I just leaped through.
Turned out it was the B, and I made it ok. But there was that moment of thrill, of the unknown, of just going for it.
It was a good reminder for life in general. Sometimes, to get where you wanna go, you just gotta jump.
The 10 Commandments of Kink
Posted in community, play, writing on February 2, 2011 by GrayAs revealed to Graydancer, Ninja Sex Poodle & Ronin of Love
1. And it came to pass that in that land there were an abundance of people who did delight in sharing their kink one with another.
2. And while it was agreed that their kinks had oft been begotten by the Old Guard, verily all of their efforts to define that Old Guard fell like ripe seeds upon barren soil, bearing no fruit and causing much bitterness and strife and letters to the editor. And as none were happy with this, they stopped. And much rejoicing was heard amongst teh interwebs.
4. And while it was generally agreed upon that because of this nebulousness of form amongst our kinky forebears and foredykes and foredaddies and foreboys and forebois and thou gettest the idea, it was also evident to all that certain commonalities did exist among the communities.
5. Whereupon it came to pass in the City of Wind, amongst the flock of the prophet Howie and his many ministers and ministrixes, a small band of pansexuals did gather together to partake of the sacraments of sushi.
6. And amongst this group some did top and some did bottom and some did both, and there were players of the edge and they who of a surety were n00bs, and yet they did dwell together in that place of raw fish and edamame in harmony and laughter.
7. Verily the sushi was shared by Kimono Boy and Painslut alike, and from the cleansing power of wasabi their minds were collectively opened to revelation.
8. For while there is no one true way, yet there is still common experience shared by those who do kink in public.
9. And ten commandments were handed down from their collective soylent souls, “commandments” being defined as in any kinky endeavor as agreed upon by those parties consenting to play one with another.
10. The first of these commandments was caused by the envy of many for the member of their party whose dance card did begin with Saint Claire of Adams that night. And it was rendered thus:
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors play date.
11. And the second commandment was inspired by the travails of good Saint Jack McGeorge, who saith,
Thou shalt not out another’s kink.
12. New words were deemed necessary then to describe those who sin through disacceptance of another’s kink:
Thou shalt not commit judgery.
13. The fourth commandment, thus:
Thou shalt honor the safeword and keep it wholly;
Neither shalt thou utter the safeword in vain.
14. The fifth commandment was the shortest, needing no explanation:
Ouch is not a safeword.
15. When thou walkest amongst those who sceneth, remember well the sixth commandment:
Thou shalt not interrupt.
16. Of two parts was the seventh commandment, each the helpmeet of the other:
Thou shalt ask for what thee wants,
And thou shalt get what thee asketh for.
17. Many sad and sorrowful word formed the eighth commandment and were put therein:
Thou shalt not stand
in the corner of the dungeon
by thyself
and crack thy singletail all night long.
Verily the seraph Sheryn did find fewer words to fit in the eighth commandment, rendering it thusly:
Thou shalt not be creepy.
18. With much respect and honor for the past did the ninth commandment come to be:
Unless thy name is Chuck Renslow,
Thou art probably not Old Guard.
19. The final commandment of kind was directed to those who believe they are Gods, and have forsaken the knowledge that while that may be true, there have been many Gods before and there will of a surety be many after. The tenth commandment is for all who sceneth:
Thine ego must fit
within a 4000 square foot dungeon,
Lest it afflict thy fellows
with the awful stench
Of unwashed hubris.
20. And upon the uttering of the tenth commandment, those assembled were filled with the desire to leave the land of sushi and spread their floggers and cheeks wheresoever the opportunity presenteth, being mindful of the commandments and keeping them wholly.
21. And it was good.
Previously published in Protocols, a Variety of Views, edited by Robert Rubel, PhD. Apologies to those whose religious beliefs do not have room for parody, and will therefore be offended by this.
Tony Comstock, Portrait in Courage
Posted in community, cool people, NeatEvent, proporn, sex education, writing on February 1, 2011 by Gray
One of many "Real" movies from Comstock Films
Tony Comstock is a pornographer writer sailor father husband filmmaker guy who cares about the state of sexual mores in our culture. And when I say cares, I mean more than just donating to Scarleteen and the NCSF and making movies about real people having real sex because they are really in love.
He is going to be putting his (literary) ass on the line:
“In late 2008 I began a deliberate campaign to take my ideas beyond the safe confines of my little corner of the internet. I began engaging on blogs and forums where I knew my films and the ideas they represent would be greeted with, at best, suspicion, if not outright hostility. This process has been hugely demanding — of my time, of my energy, of my emotions — with no guarantee that my efforts would ever bear fruit.”
But bear fruit it did. In fact, his writing (which is excellent in its own right) was noticed by none other than Atlantic columnist James Fallows. Which is why Tony Comstock will be covering for Fallows for the first half of February. Tony talks about what he plans to do with this suddenly huge soapbox:
By the end of the week, I hope to have laid out a case for the idea that while we live in an age where extremely graphic, often upsetting sexual imagery is but a mouse-click away, images that explore and celebrate love and sexuality in the same way that Valentine’s day celebrates love and sexuality are vanishingly rare.
“I am also going to talk about how law, custom, economics, and technology interact to enforce a wide gulf between the well-crafted, but oddly coy depictions of sexuality in mainstream film and television, and the poorly made, often cartoonishly vulgar depictions that seem to characterize the collision of sex and the moving image.
Along the way I’ll touch on subjects of more general interest, including: algorithmic morality, climax ecology, boiled frogs, what you can and can’t see from outer-space, boxing, Steve Jobs’ liver, Dick Cheney’s heart, gun-control, and dog fighting.”
I’m almost drooling with excitement. That list of subjects is like an aphrodisiac.
His sojourn as an Atlantic guest-blogger begins February 7 and runs through February 13, the day before Valentine’s day. I’ll certainly be following it, but I suspect that as a community of sex-positive writers and bloggers and freaks we should make sure to respectfully and openly support this foray into the mass media by one of our own.
The Somerville Bowline, Takedown Edition
Posted in cool people, Rope Bondage, sex education on January 31, 2011 by GrayYou’ve heard about the Boola-Boola Purge, right? There’s a whole cadre of ropesters who have decried the many failings of this version of the single column tie. A quite vocal person is Topologist, from Boston (soon to be from San Francisco), and he even went so far as to create his own variation of a single column tie which has become known as the “Somerville Bowline.”
I’ve learned it three or four times. I don’t use it enough to have it stick (yet). Then again, it took me two and a half years to learn the takate kote, so I guess I shouldn’t complain.
But along comes my friend Trialsinner (proposer of the Innocon) and he has a variation that really speaks to me: the takedown version of the Somerville Bowline. Click the link to see how he does it, and see how it works for you:
And special props go out for mentioning the Rope Capital of the World!
The Dark Odyssey WinterFire Cabaret Social!
Posted in art, community, event, NeatEvent, play, Rope Bondage on January 28, 2011 by GrayTo say I’m looking forward to DOWF would be an understatement. The organizers approached me and asked if I would help with a fund raiser for NCSF. Of course I agreed, and they let me come up with this format (which has been a part of a few Shibaricons, as well). This is what “America’s Got Talent” would be like if there wasn’t an FCC.
The First-Ever Winter Fire Cabaret Social!
Got Talent? Come and share!
Hosted By Graydancer
Get to know a different side of your fellow travelers in this Dark Odyssey at the Winterfire Cabaret. This is the Talent Show your mother warned you about, with kinksters showing off their skills in short, lively acts guaranteed to amaze, or at least amuse, everyone.
Hosted by Graydancer, the Cabaret is an environment designed for casual entertainment, with professional talent and talented amateurs lending their grace and skill to the stage. Juggling! Music! Kilted kicklines! Dancing bears! Stop in, enjoy the acts, and take a moment to bid in a round of the NCSF Lightning Auction between acts.
Interested in performing in this vaudeville-style stage show? Contact Graydancer@gmail.com. Guaranteed to be fun for the whole fami- well, fun for the whole community, anyway. Hope to see you there!
Hajime Kinoko & Asagi Ageha in Culture X
Posted in art, community, cool people, NeatEvent, photography, Rope Bondage on January 27, 2011 by GrayI have a real love-hate relationship with this video. On the one hand, it does some things right, such as referring to to the “art” as kinbaku, and linking the “rope culture” of Japan to the practice. On the other hand, starting from the Ubiquitous Zen Flute Riff when they show the “happy, sunny” Japan, to the pedantic valley-girl-esque Vanessa Von Auer, Paychologist, it goes into a sensationalistic Orientalist mode. The overall portrayal, passive-aggressive in tone, is that rope bondage is done by the mentally ill as an inadequate substitute for “real” therapy.
Still, it’s worth watching, if only for the chance to see Ageha perform, and to see Hajime Kinoko‘s teaching studio. What do you think of the tone? I know that I tend to be a bit over-sensitive to what I perceive as Asian stereotyping; maybe I’m over-reacting?
Agley Play
Posted in community, play, Rope Bondage on January 25, 2011 by Gray
“Well, I’m guessing that didn’t go exactly as you expected,” she murmured into my chest. Her voice was fuzzy with happy afterglow of rope and orgasm-induced endorphins.
My natural inclination towards sarcasm shaped my response. “Oh, no. I completely expected that reaction to the hood. It was all according to my Domly plan.” I was talking about the bit of edge play I’d pushed with my holiday gift to her. It was a Darlex bondage hood, with an opening for a mouth and a ponytail and nothing else. For a girl who had claustrophobic issues as well as no interest in humiliation or objectification, it was truly nudging at her boundaries. It had taken a few tries to get it on right, and then she had lasted quite a while, pleasuring me, before the last ropes on her ankles had pushed her over the edge into needing to have it off.
“Oh, I’m not talking about the hood,” she said. “That was…hard, but I definitely want to try it again.” Thank you, WinterFetish, I thought, glad that my Christmas present wasn’t going to be relegated to the bottom of the toy drawer. I also gave her a grateful squeeze, because that’s the definition of courage; being scared, and facing it anyway because it might be worth it.
And besides, removing the hood had only been a minor pause in the larger scene. We’d gone on to a nice ebi endurance tie culminating with some mutually satisfactory oral pleasure and even scored a simultaneous orgasm. “We rock!” I said to her, and gave her a high five.
She waved at the bedside table. “No, I was talking about the butt plug, the video camera, the condoms, the Tenga…” Not to mention the MauiKink cane and punishment rod in my suitcase, I thought.
But I thought about what she said, and gave it a serious answer. “Well…I’m not the kind of top who plans every bit of a scene step-by-step. I have some goals, of course, but I’m more about…creating an environment.” I waved at the toys. “I create a space where things can happen, and if some of them require props, it’s good to have them handy. If they’re not used, but we had a good time,” I hugged her again, “then it’s all good.”
And that’s important, I think, for good play, or even just for good life. Because sometimes you plan things very completely, such as
[THREE PARAGRAPHS OF SARCASTIC SNARK BORDERING ON PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE REDACTED]
…you can only hold her shaking hand as she weeps with frustrated energies and humiliated rage at being so dismissed by this person she trusted. You put away your own sense of failure, at having told her to put her trust in the wrong person, and you do your best to make it a good evening anyway – with Jack & Ginger and an Acid cigar and snuggles on the couch of the cigar bar.
Eventually you and she can focus on what you did gain from the evening: the knowledge that even when things gang aft a-fuckin’-gley, you’ve already got a relationship that can absorb it and bounce back, still full of the richness of joy and play and the good stuff.
Plans are all well and good. But a loving, open heart trumps them, agley or not, and thank the gods for that.
Discovering New Limits
Posted in NeatEvent, play, Rope Bondage, sex education on January 19, 2011 by Gray
I’m going to be processing the experience of Midori’s Rope Dojo for quite some time – pages of notes in my moleskine, variations on ties I’ve been using for years as well as new ties I’ve never thought of uses for (dildo harness, here we cum…). There was also the transcendent beauty and power of the scene she did with Delano…
Sorry. Lost in the memory there for a bit. Suffice to say, it was hot. Powerful. Nifty. And any scene that starts with a Traditional Japanese Cthulthu harness has gotta be good.*
One of the most valuable parts of the dojo, and part of what makes it more than just a “how to tie that knot” experience, is the section on negotiating rope scenes. It’s thorough and fun and much hotter, in my opinion, than an 18-page questionnaire or even a flippant “So, you wanna try some stuff?” As part of the process, one person will “propose” a scene – a bit like the “Very Short Story” technique – and then the other person will temporize it, explaining what they’d like more of, less of, different.
In the second round of practicing, when we had a one-minute limit to both propose and edit, my conversation with my partner (a cis-male het-presenting rope top) went something like this:
Me: You know, I’ve been frustrated at the fact that I can’t seem to find a way to enjoy the ropes on my body. Since you’re into tying the fancy Japanese style stuff, perhaps we could do a scene where you gradually put me in more and more complex, layered bondage. I enjoy a struggle, so being able to push against it might be fun, kind of like a military interrogation/torture kind of thing. I think I’d also like to involve my partner DoNotGoGently, since I also tend to enjoy whatever scene I’m in more if there is a sexual component. Then we could -”
Delano: TIME! Ok, Person B, you have one minute to edit that scene. Go!
Person B: Well, I can get with most of what you said. I like the layers of bondage, and DoNotGoGently would be great to have there. There’s just one thing that doesn’t really work for me…that’s the whole military bondage thing. I’m not really interested in interrogation or torture. I’m more interested in making the successive layers of bondage more interesting through the use of different materials…
Me: Oh, like vet wrap, duct tape…
Person B: No, I was thinking more along the lines of strips of pig flesh.
Me: …
Delano: TIME!
Even now, I’m still trying to parse that. Bacon? Pigskin leather? Much as I’d like to say yes, that’s what he meant, it’s not what he said. He said “strips of pig flesh.”
I confess. He’s a nice guy. A pleasant person. I spent time in wonderful conversations with him after.
But I’m damn glad that was just a practice negotiation. Because frankly, he scares me.
Pig flesh. Hard limit. Cue rainbow, stars, harp sound effect: The More You Know.
*maybe you had to be there.