Remember how it used to be?

Remember when her hands shook as you wrapped the rope, coil by coil, around her wrists, one at a time? Except it wasn’t rope, was it? It was a pair of pantyhose from her drawer. No, not her drawer, stolen from your mother’s drawer, the plastic egg container thrown aside at the bedside, cardboard wrapper half under the bed (and later in the night you would agonize as you realize that you’d forgotten about it, what if she found out?).

Remember that feeling giddy helplessness after you were tied spreadeagled, and she straddled your chest, and you could feel the heat from her cunt there between your breasts, right where your heart hammered, ka-thunk, ka-thunk, and you felt shivers run through your body, uncontrollable shivers because you were spread open, helplessly tied, for the first time in your life you couldn’t stop this person from doing anything she wanted, and she smiled that feral, predatory smile, her tongue-tip speculatively between her teeth the last thing you saw before the blindfold covered your vision, and you trembled…

Remember the moment you grabbed her chest harness and pulled her up off her knees and growled into her ear “I don’t give a shit for the rules in this club, I’m going to fuck you right here, right now!” and she wailed, knowing that it meant neither of you could ever come back, but still she pushed her ass against your steel-hard cock, grinding, moaning “Yes, sir, anything for you, sir.”

Remember that?

I do.

But I also remember walking through the dungeon – any dungeon, it doesn’t matter which one – recently and watching the scenes around me…and feeling unutterably depressed. The people were filling the “stations” – spanking benches, crosses, frames, whipping posts – and there was no shortage of activity. But that’s all it was – activity. Frenetic motions, repetitive actions, there was no joy to be seen.

I exaggerate. There was joy. There is always joy in a dungeon, somewhere, if you look for it. But that’s just it: we were all of us, myself included, looking for it, desperate to find it. We were trying to remember, to go back to that place where the simple act of taking or giving power made our souls thrum.

I’m sure it was somewhere in that dungeon. I just couldn’t find it. And I could see in the faces of tops, bottoms, slaves and masters, ponies and pups and trannies and sluts, that it was not being found by many others, either, who were just as desperately seeking it.

“…we put that forth as an explanation of how really, in the end, we’re not actually perverts, we’re just, y’know, creative types. Who like to dress up in shiny things sometimes, and play, like theatre, and isn’t that fun?” – Andrea Zanin

I think we’re killing it.

I’m to blame as much as anyone. I’m proud of my work as an educator, of bringing rope to many people through my podcast, this blog, through my classes and performances. Yet like my dear brother and lover Lee Harrington, I wonder “…when we analytically gaze at our dark desires do they loose the richness of their darkness?”

I get emails from listeners who thank me for my work. Who say things like “..you helped pull me out of my insecurities around rope…” and “…I wouldn’t be the rope artist I am today without some of the things you’ve dropped in the Ropecast…” They tell me I am doing the Great Work, and that means a lot to me. In fact, that means everything to me. “My goal is to unite my avocation with my vocation, as two eyes become one with sight,” as Sir Robert would put it.

But this same person looks at rope artists in the dungeon, and sees that, all too often “…there comes a point where the dance stops being about your partner and starts being about how much you can make the outsiders clap.” He says,

We use these things which were designed as a way to connect to each other on a one-to-one basis and use them to attempt connecting to each other on a one-to-many basis, and we use them as a way to distance ourselves, to pervert our natures (and not in that fun way), to keep ourselves safe…when it comes to the dance itself… it’s gotta come from the soul or it’s gonna look dead.

He’s right. And that’s what we miss when we focus more on the step-by-step tutorials of rope. By breaking it down, we also remove the mystery and the excitement. That’s not bad – there’s a reason to do that, many reasons – but the problem is we leave it there. Disassembled. In pieces.

When we shine the light on the shadow to know it better, we don’t learn a thing. We simply banish the shadow, and know nothing except the dimensions of the corner, the color of the walls, the shape of that stain on the floor. The shadow itself is gone.

We need to have fewer classes on bondage 101 and partial suspension, and more on Shadows 201 and Total Suspense. We need to teach how to turn off the dissection lamp for our partners and ourselves, and come back to that scary what if I’m caught oh god what if I’m sick Oh GOD what if I don’t like it oh FUCK what if I DO?

We need to find our way back to dangerous rope. Because without it, we are simply technicians of flesh and fiber, when we could be playing on the instruments of souls.

“Tonight, I want the shadow. Stop sterilizing everything, for a moment. Let my kink stay kinky, stay edgy. Stop making it palatable, acceptable, consumable for the masses. Just for a moment let my passions stay taboo, stay wrong. I want to be wrong, I want to be in shadow, I want to be damned, I want to be forbidden.” – Lee Harrington

• Bookmark on Delicious
• Recommend on Facebook
• Buzz it up
• Share via MySpace
• Share with Stumblers
• Tumblr it
• Tweet about it
• Subscribe to the comments on this post
• Tell a friend

Of course, I had to play around with some animation software and make this up:

• Bookmark on Delicious
• Recommend on Facebook
• Buzz it up
• Share via MySpace
• Share with Stumblers
• Tumblr it
• Tweet about it
• Subscribe to the comments on this post
• Tell a friend

“Yeah, but I’m pretty tired.”

“OK…that’s fine. Just so you know, sometime I’d like to have one of those scenes…”

“One of…?”

“Yeah, you know, one of those scenes where you beat the crap out of me, step on my head, that kind of thing.”

“Um…I beat the crap out of you when we fucked just last night.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t step on my head?”

“Really? That’s what you need?”

“Yeah, but you can’t do that in bed, I know…”

“Who says?”

“Oh, come on…you know you can’t.”

(sounds of scuffle, a few grunts, some short, sharp screams and one very clear “OW!”)

“Now. What am I doing?”

(muffled voice) “Nur pulink nigh hurr!”

“Yes. I am pulling your hair. True. And?”

(silence, followed by a shifting of weight and a high-pitched wail)

“And?”

pause “Nur steffink ahn nigh haidh! Mif bophe feed!”

“That’s right. Both feet. Now you know…just how easy I am to manipulate into doing exactly what you want.”

• Bookmark on Delicious
• Recommend on Facebook
• Buzz it up
• Share via MySpace
• Share with Stumblers
• Tumblr it
• Tweet about it
• Subscribe to the comments on this post
• Tell a friend

This podcast features:

• a Ropecast Vocabulary Primer,
• news about rope pride patches
• a discount code for Ropecast Listeners from MauiKink: GDTC15 for 15% off most things!
• Then it’s an interview with Peter Tupper, kink historian and author of the forthcoming “Innocent’s Progress” coming from Circlet Press (check out their steampunk erotica anthology “Like a Whisp of Steam” for a taste of his work!)

Send your comments, questions, or pictures of beautifully bound boobies & buttocks to Graydancer@gmail.com, or follow on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/ropecast

• Bookmark on Delicious
• Recommend on Facebook
• Buzz it up
• Share via MySpace
• Share with Stumblers
• Tumblr it
• Tweet about it
• Subscribe to the comments on this post
• Tell a friend

Nawa Shibari-Chicago welcomes back Graydancer of Ropecast.net to present for our August meeting on Saturday August 21st from 7-11pm. Bring your ropes!

Cherries Jubalie & Evinxiamor-Rigging by Graydancer

MILITARY STYLE BONDAGE |

Military-style bondage draws from the traditions of the samurai, the cavalry, the native Americans, special forces, and even various fictional sources to explore the fun of role-play in a Military style. Explore not only the physical forms of restraint and the reasoning behind them (including how to modify them for the safety and comfort of your “prisoner”) but also the psychological aspects of military discipline, interrogation techniques, and especially the methods of securing and manipulating the male body.

ABOUT GRAYDANCER |

Graydancer, Ninja Sex Poodle & Ronin of Love, comes from the venerable rope bondage tradition of Madison, WI, where he honed his craft to become the world premiere podcaster of rope bondage with “the Ropecast”. He has presented and performed at venues across North America and is the creator of the GRUE (Graydancer’s Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza), a grass-roots kink event held in various cities. His writing has also been published in Secret, Power Exchange Magazine, and several anthologies published by the Ravenous Romance imprint. He is also the author of three self-published novels of erotic magic, Nawashi, Jujun, and the forthcoming Kumir, available in both print, audio, and e-book formats. Currently Graydancer plies his trade as an itinerant rope top, burlesque performer and kink educator, smiting the evil of sloppy ends wherever they may lie.

RSVP IS MANDATORY TO ATTTEND |
Please email NSC@NawaShibari-Chicago.com

LOCATION: The Studio – Address will be given with RSVP confirmation
DONATION: $20/person meeting donation accepted at the door, please bring donation in an envelope.
TIME: Gather at 7pm – Presentation begins promptly at 7:30pm and an open practice/play will follow the presentation from 9-11pm
WHO? Rope lovers of all experience levels are welcome, from Top to bottom, novice to advanced. 18+ w/valid ID

Please send all questions to NSC@NawaShibari-Chicago.com or MissJadedChicago (on Fetlife)

And for additional information about the group and current meeting, please visit NawaShibari-Chicago.com

• Bookmark on Delicious
• Recommend on Facebook
• Buzz it up
• Share via MySpace
• Share with Stumblers
• Tumblr it
• Tweet about it
• Subscribe to the comments on this post
• Tell a friend

HNT Courtesy of Barefoot Dreamer – Photo by Jon H.

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #19? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Off Limits for 30 Days – “You don’t listen very well,” I heard her hiss. “That’s off limits, damn you.” And there was a crack and fiery agony clawed into my back.

The Joy of Sucking Cock – I wonder at times if that is why I am such a “good little cocksucker” as W calls me. When I am deeply into it, I almost enter this place where I am both the sucker and suckee, and it is as though it is MY cock being sucked on.

This intensity gets me riled when I am tied up (photo story) – James picked up that evil strap again. I watched helplessly as he positioned himself to use it on my pussy… Ever so lightly he started. Flick, flick, flick.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Ask Lilly: How do I know if a sex toy has phthalates in it? – The studies going around are saying that phthalate exposure can damage all sorts of organs, and can possibly cause cancer. There are a lot of harmful things in our world these days that we can’t avoid – so when we CAN avoid something like toxins in our sex toys, we should.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Portal. Confession #493 – It truly is a spiritual give and take, these sexual relationships I form. I can cross the threshold and see however much of someone that I choose to see, with whomever it is that I am involved with.

See also: Pleasurists #88 and #89 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Defying Gravity with Carrie Moon

Interview with Dylan Ryan

Is “The Smoking Jacket” a Smoking Gun?

Naked and Famous

That’s discrimination! -or- Two Words I’m Sick of Hearing

Very Deserved Wrath- Not So New Problems

Kink & Fetish

10 Things I Love About My Slave

A Rope Pride Flag?

At Last

Correlations

dutch part 6 – the finale!

Discovering DebPorn

Independence Day

Kinkster Me

No Mosquito Fetish Here

Our First Play Time – Part 1

Please

Post Exploratorium HNT

Sex and Kink

Subspace

Thoughts on Single Tailing

THIS is what happens to naughty little redheaded sluts…

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

A Declaration of Independence — From the eXes

Ass to Mouth

Bi The Way – Male Bisexuality and Swinging

Don’t Beat Yourself Up

Euphemisms

Flying The Red Flag

Natural Born Swingers

Partnerships

Transtastic: On Coming Out as a Political Act

The Ins & Outs of Anal Sex

The Cialis Effect

Unusually High Sex Drive

Where is My G Spot?

Why Won’t Anyone Respond? — Help for Your Swinger Inbox

Erotic Writing

Adventures in Fisting

A Collision of Desires

boo full

Creature of habit pt. 3

Flashback: Our First Time

Fred

Fantasy: Australia Day

Good Morning

Get Down, Dirty & Get The Hell Out

I want…

Licked to orgasm

Sweat & Summer

Sparkly Vamp Erotica

The Ordeal (part one)

Upstairs. Now.

Wrestle

• Bookmark on Delicious
• Recommend on Facebook
• Buzz it up
• Share via MySpace
• Share with Stumblers
• Tumblr it
• Tweet about it
• Subscribe to the comments on this post
• Tell a friend

My esteemed fellow sukebes,

When I got the email from Kyle suggesting a design for the rope pride flag, I thought “Hmm. That’s an interesting idea. Let’s see what other people think of it!” I figured either people would like the idea or ignore the idea. This is not the first time a rope flag has been done; Jo Qatana has a symbol she created years ago, and Denver Bound has a nifty variation on the Leather Pride Flag on their site. My goal, just to be clear, was not to declare a Rope Pride Flag – it was to foster discussion about it, and if people did want one, see what came of it.

Mission accomplished! Thank you for your comments, as someone who enjoys the conversational arts this has been immensely rewarding, and at times amusing. For example, just in the latest digest I got (and I think perhaps you get a different view of the conversations here if you read them in digest form) I saw the same kind of thread:

“We don’t need anything to rally around!”
“Amen!”
“I second the amen!”
“Second on the Amen!” (actually third, but he didn’t know that)
“I’m with you!”

Eddie Izzard, indeed. Or Monty Python, perhaps (“You’re all unique!” “I’m not!”). In a private email, TopKai (who has several times expressed concern about “opening a can of worms” to which I reply, “Hey, at least we’re not arguing about breath play…”) said at one point “…well, at the very least perhaps it will unite people in their hatred of the symbol.” Score!

What I find disturbing, though, is the continuing use of the word “we” and “us” in a non-consensual sense. “We don’t need a flag.” “all of us are aware of each other” “Rope is my flag and that is sufficient in my mind for the rope community. ”

Excuse me? Um…Jimi, I love you, but even you do not get to decide what is “sufficient for the rope community.”

Even more disturbing: “a flag would only serve to divide people into those that want one, and those that do not. It is much better to create ties that bind people together instead of binding people apart.”

“Those that want one, and those that do not.” That is called “choice.” Or “freedom,” in some places. I don’t recall anyone saying in the Rope Flag discussions “This is the flag that every person who identifies with rope has to use.” What I am seeing is a consistent use of collective pronouns that indicate, first, personal choice: “I don’t want a Rope Pride Flag” and second, dictates: “and you shouldn’t, either.”

It seems to me it is better to let people consent to what ties they want to be bound by – whether that’s leather, rope, or flags.Saying that the creation of a rope flag “divides” or “binds” people is only true if you choose to see it that way. A label is only divisive if it’s the END of a conversation, rather than simply the beginning of one. Kind of like Jimi creating this list “divided” the rope community into “People on ARA, and people who aren’t.” (Which actually, as many of us know, has been pretty divisive and caused some tempers to flare). But the fact is, people can choose to be here, or they can choose to ignore it, or they can choose to be part of this list and a lot of others.

Isn’t choice grand?

That “Eddie Izzard” sketch is about nationalism, not identity. They are different things – or, if you will, different places on a spectrum. Nationalism is Identity used as a weapon of conquest – but that doesn’t mean that identity in and of itself is not necessary.

If I created a logo that was exactly like David Lawrence’s except it had my name, not his, I suspect he would not appreciate it. Similarly if I created a “Kink Ropes.com” site, or started a Yahoo group called “Adult Roped Arts.” These are all things that people chose to create because it was a natural expression of who they are. Why did they do it? Because they wanted to. They wanted to share something about themselves with the larger world – a brilliant photographic skill, an innovative product, a gift for bringing people together to talk. None of them said, as far as I know, “You have to like this and be part of this or else you’re no longer bona fide!” I am certain, though, that there were some people who said “Oh, great. Another rope photographer.” “Do we need another rope vendor?” “Jesus, another mailing list about sex & kink? Aren’t there enough already?”

Thankfully, those people didn’t let the naysayers dictate how they chose to express their identities.

When I go to events – especially leather-based events – there are banners and flags all over the place. Littles play, BDSM rights, Uniform fetish, Bears, Boy/Boi, you name it, there’s colors fluttering everywhere. And when they create community rituals – awards, or contests, or more – they often fly those particular “colors.” Not as a rallying point, not as an imperialistic possession, but simply as a measure of “This is part of who we are, and we’re proud of it.” Some people in the rope community – some who actually are in the “we” and “us” category – would like to see a flag or banner representing the way rope has touched their lives and shaped their identity. To them, rope is more than just another tool in their kit – it is a vehicle for connection and a means of self-actualization.

Rope is certainly not that for everyone. I have a good friend here, a dom, who will often pull rope out of a sub’s bag and say “Here. Tie yourself up with that.” I don’t expect she’ll want a flag. Conversely, Jimi, David, Jack, they’ve all said they don’t want flags – and I would certainly never say that they’re less of a member of the community or less rope people because of it.

But I’m sure as hell not arrogant enough to tell TopKai or Vesper or Ten or Cannon or anyone that they shouldn’t want one. Or worse, that they can’t have one.

It’s stated very clearly, in big letters that I typed verrrrrry slowly, that the purpose behind uploading the flag is:

“If you want a Rope Pride Flag,
Here are some ideas you might use.”

That’s it. No rallying, no division, no “us-or-them.” Just choice. For people to make on their own, and for no one – not even this esteemed gathering of perverted minds – to decide for them.

Knot Proud,

Graydancer

• Bookmark on Delicious
• Recommend on Facebook
• Buzz it up
• Share via MySpace
• Share with Stumblers
• Tumblr it
• Tweet about it
• Subscribe to the comments on this post
• Tell a friend

My goal when first posting TopKai’s flag was first and foremost to see what people thought. I had hoped for either general disinterest or perhaps some discussion about stylistic elements.

I got some surprises.

The biggest surprise for me was not that a lot of people – people who I think of as “rope people” – didn’t feel the need for a flag. That makes sense, and is totally understandable.

No, the biggest surprise was that a lot of those people took the attitude of “I don’t see the need for a flag – so don’t make one!” Or, to put it another way, “I don’t want one – so you shouldn’t either.”

That’s not something I’m used to dealing with, in this “My kink is ok, your kink is ok” world. Somehow – in spite of my constant repetition to the contrary – this was seen as being something that was being forced on people. So, for those who might not comprehend what I am saying here, I’m going to say it with big letters, and type slowly:

If you want to have a Rope Pride Flag,
here’s some ideas you might want to use.

That’s it. Not “this is the Rope Pride Flag!” Not “If you don’t fly this flag, you’re not a rope person.” Not even “This is a banner to use for the community of rope people.”

Thankfully, the “community of rope people” is far too diverse to ever be adequately represented by anything. In fact, some of them are really funny – like the rope god with the Japanese scene name that always dresses Leatherman style who objected to both the elements of the Leather pride and the implication that Japan had anything to do with rope bondage (still scratching my head about that one). Or the people on the rope community lists, or who go to Shibaricon, who question if there really is a community at all.

To be honest, it got a little frustrating, having so many people’s contribution be so antagonistic towards those who did want a flag. I have to wonder if other Pride flags had the same kind of vituperative responses. Probably did. I can’t find many articles about it, but if anyone finds one, please let me know.

One Thing We Did Wrong

There is one thing we did wrong: we (the designers) talked too much.

Mr. DeBlase, a columnist for Drummer Magazine, invented the [Leather pride] flag entirely on his own, and left the symbolism purposefully vague, encouraging the community to assign their own.

He added, “…that it was only a temporary design meant to inspire others in creating a permanent flag.” I like that idea, and so do the other designers. I kind of wish we’d done it that way, but as TopKai put it “…at the very least it may unite the community if only in hatred for the symbol.”

I don’t think we’re going to debate the meaning of the symbols any more than we’ve already done. You can read what you want – or what you don’t want – into them, and if you want to come up with your own design that people like better, then I’m pretty sure the three of us will be cheering you on.

So please, don’t bother saying “I don’t want this flag!” No one is saying you have to have it. Don’t bother saying “I think this design sucks!” unless you’re planning on putting forth your own design that you like better. Don’t bother saying “There is no rope community!” because while you may never have been there, buddy, I have, and frankly, it’s a pretty cool place.

The designs presented below are the work of myself, Vesper, and TopKai, and are released under the Creative Commons License.

Rope Pride Flag is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License

Does this mean you can’t use the design for commercial gain? Hell no! People gotta eat, and if you want to make your million creating Rope Pride Flags and selling them, more power to you! You can even alter, adjust, or change it – as long as you also release it under the same open license. It would also be nice if you’d give attribution where attribution is due.

Now, there is a bit of a controversy – see, in looking at the “final variations”, people seem to be pretty evenly split over which one they like – and split kind of weirdly, in that TopKai likes the version with the triskell (which was my contribution) but I prefer Vesper’s “ring” variation. So, rather than say “PICK ONE!” I’m going to put both up here, in a large format, and say (please, listen carefully):

If you want a Rope Pride Flag, here’s some ideas you might want to use.

Rope Pride Flag by Kyle Ellsworth & Gray Miller (aka “TopKai” & “Graydancer”):

Rope Pride Flag by Vesper:

Thanks for the comments, folks. Let’s go back to some smut now, ok?

Update: Hey, I wanna make my millions too, right?

• Bookmark on Delicious
• Recommend on Facebook
• Buzz it up
• Share via MySpace
• Share with Stumblers
• Tumblr it
• Tweet about it
• Subscribe to the comments on this post
• Tell a friend

I based the flag on the Royal Navy Ensign,  paying homage to the nautical traditions that the rope community draws on.  I put the Leather Pride Flag in the corner, to represent the link the rope community has to the leather community, and the heritage the rope community owes to the leather community.    The brown cross is the color of rope and invokes a “tie,” and the white is representative of the openness of the community, and the room we still have to grow.

I suggested that the flag would also need some link and homage to the Japanese roots, and after some thoughts we merged the red of the heart with the red “sun” symbol of the Japanese sun. Personally, I think of it less of a sun as a lotus, the symbol for lovers, but that’s the great thing about symbols – you can see what you like in them.

So, below are some proposed “rope pride flags.” What do you think? Remember, be nice. I think TopKai is onto something here, and frankly, the more I look at them, the more the idea resonates.

Update: TopKai and I continued to work on the design throughout most of the day yesterday, incorporating people’s ideas, etc, resulting in the second-to-last image below. Jo Qatana, one of the biggest Rope Advocates I know, also mentioned a design she’d worked up a long time ago (and that image, unlike the others, is copyrighted, so NO touchy!).

Then my friend Vesper, aka Kiltman, posted his comment below along with a link to his idea…and frankly, I personally like his better than any of them. What do you think? Please limit your comments to being about the images, NOT the people who designed them.

Why Bother with a Rope Flag?

I really appreciate all the comments, both here, and via twitter, and even the ones I don’t really understand.

One thing I want to make clear: this is not a democracy OR a dictatorship. So we’re not going to actually sit here and say “ALL ROPE PEOPLE MUST USE THIS FLAG!” However, it would be just as disingenuous to sit there and say “NO ONE SHOULD USE THIS FLAG! ROPE PEOPLE MUST HAVE THE FLAG OF NO-FLAG!”

“So what – rope is now tantamount to queer identity? REALLY?” asks @MargoEve. To which I say, yes. It is a part of my queer identity, that’s for sure. To quote Steve Lenius, author of Life, Leather, and the Pursuit of Happiness, “…be proud, and come out as a kinky person to the best of your ability.” (Lavender Magazine). If part of that coming out means you want your own flag, then more power to you. No one insists that you wear black, or leather, or that you take off your tree of life or labyrinth or green man or cross or Star Trek symbol at an event…so if some people who identify themselves as “rope people” want to have a flag, why shouldn’t they?

So far the only thing I’ve gotten close to a coherent reason why not is the fear that it will become proscriptive, that labeling yourself as a rope person will cause segregation, division, etc. Aside from the fact that this happens a lot already (We gave you rope people your own room, all quiet like, with that zen music y’all like) like any label, that only applies when the label is used as the end of a conversation as opposed to the start of one. And that is not a problem with labels, that is a problem with people.

Great, so what’s next, a “violet wand” flag?

I finally figured out this morning what the difficult thing is here. There’s a difference between “rope people” and “people who use rope.” If rope is simply one of many things you use, and has no special resonance beyond it’s universal efficacy, no, you don’t need a flag.

But for some (myself included) rope is more than just twisted fibers. It is my friends, my lovers, it is my art, it is my symbol, it is the place I go where the rest of the world and its troubles fades away. Quite literally, the rope community is my home, and like anyone, when I’m away from home or missing it, I enjoy having reminders of my home around. For some, like Jimi Tatu, just rope itself is enough. Some enjoy using the leather pride flag, or one of the many other pride flags, or the BDSM symbol as a reminder.

If the Violet Wand users had that kind of a feeling of community and sharing of knowledge, then they might come up with a symbol, or maybe even a Guild or something (oh, wait…they did). So did the littles, so did the uniform fetishists, hell, even Gay Men in Spandex have their own flag. Why don’t they use the Leather Pride Flag? Well, maybe because…they’re not into leather?

There’s the difference. If rope is just something you use, then no, you don’t need a flag. Even if rope is part of who you are, you may not need a flag. But if you want one – I personally think you should fly it with pride.

• Bookmark on Delicious
• Recommend on Facebook
• Buzz it up
• Share via MySpace
• Share with Stumblers
• Tumblr it
• Tweet about it
• Subscribe to the comments on this post
• Tell a friend

It puts me in mind of one of the topics I bring up in my Military Style Bondage class (soon to be taught in Paradise, in fact). In particular, when we’re talking about the “handling of prisoners” in a sexual-fantasy kind of way, one of the first ways to establish a heirarchical power dynamic is to strip the prisoner. This feeds on contemporary ideas about nudity implying shame or weakness.

However, we go a little deeper into it when we’re talking about playing military prisoner mind-games. I can’t remember where I read it, so pardon the anecdotal presumption, but the idea is that women and men react to the act of clothes coming off differently. It’s a matter of choice: the idea is that women should be forced to take off their own clothes, thereby instilling a feeling of shameful cooperation with their captors, whereas men should have their clothes forcibly removed to give them a feeling of being powerless to choose either way.

Oh, yeah, she looks REAL intimidated

Obviously this is gross generalization – I can think of a lot of women for whom stripping is an act of power and defiant control of their bodies, who would use an order to “Strip!” as an opportunity to entice and cajole. I can also think of a lot of men who would see the Dionysian attack on their clothes as being an amusing way to get other people to do the work of disrobing for them.

Personally, I take the view when playing prisoner fantasy games that “overwhelming force” is the way to go – not so much a matter of “you can choose whether or not to cooperate!” but more of a “whatever I choose to happen will happen – your cooperation or lack of it is inconsequential.” Male or female, that usually leads to them being a bit off-balance. From there, like most problems, any difficulties can be solved simply by adding more rope.

Or more lube. Or, I suppose, any frightening combination of both.

What do you think? Strip ‘em down? Or make them do it for you?

• Bookmark on Delicious
• Recommend on Facebook
• Buzz it up
• Share via MySpace
• Share with Stumblers
• Tumblr it
• Tweet about it
• Subscribe to the comments on this post
• Tell a friend