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Support NYC SexBlogger Calendar & the Woodhull Foundation

Posted in cool people, event, NeatEvent, photography, proporn, sex education on July 21, 2010 by Gray

It’s that time of year again! I’ve been lucky enough to be part of the NYC Sexblogger Calendar posse since the first year they started, mainly in the form of publicizing their work through interviews, blog posts, the occasional scandalously flirtatious tweet exchange with Debauched Diva…

And, of course, I would also buy a day. I have bought February 25, in fact, because that was the day Madison, WI took its rightful place as the Bondage Capitol of the World by launching the premier rope bondage podcast on the globe – perhaps, some say, the galaxy.*

Other people buy days for other reasons – to celebrate their birthdays, to rejoice in the day they realized their sexual maturity, to revel in wild abandon at the memory of the day they first combined Goldschlager and naked co-ed Gilbert & Sullivan curling competitions…

ah, the memories…

Ahem. Where was I? Oh, yes. Whatever reason you decide to purchase a day (or days) on the calendar, you can feel even better knowing that the profits from the calendar will be going to support the Woodhull Freedom Foundation. I didn’t know much about the Woodhull Foundation until Veronica Monet mentioned it in her Sex 2.0 Keynote…but in my books, all about free sexual spirits fighting the forces of repression and ignorance, the Woodhull Foundation would be like S.H.I.E.L.D. in Iron Man. Working to try and save the world, in spite of the idiocy of those who dwell in it. In short, they’re the good guys.

Woodhull Freedom Foundation (WFF) affirms sexual freedom as a fundamental human right.Woodhull is dedicated to making the world a more perfect society by educating, advocating, and researching the importance of consenting adults’ right to free sexual expression.

Many people and organizations have given incentives to buying days, as well. For example, Matthew Lawrence is offering custom mixtapes. Diva and Tess, the two original wild’n'crazy gals, are offering things like lapdances and nipplecharms. Lilith Grey is offering the Glory of Rome. Dangerous Lilly and Luna have both offered personalized pictures. Hell, up until today, you were able to get 15% off of your Maui Kink order just by buying a day or five from the calendar.

Those are some serious incentives. They beat NPR coffee mugs all to hell.

So what can I offer you?

I don’t have the looks of these people, or the quality products, or the social capital, but…I have words. I have books, in fact, books that have been said to make “very good one-handed reading.**” And I’m letting you know that if you go and buy a day, if you are one of the first five people to include “GRAYDANCER” in the promo code, I’ll send you an autographed copy of my Omnibus, Nawashi~Jujun. Personally inscribed and sent via USPS to the location of your choice.

And if you buy five days…well, there’s something even more special in store for you. I won’t tell you what it is. Suffice it to say you will have the chance to be immortalized at a one-of-a-kind event and given a unique commemorative talisman of said occasion. Further deponent sayeth not! But if you are curious, go ahead and purchase five days, put in “GRAYDANCER”, and I’ll personally email you and tell you about the special incentive. If you’re into having one thing that no one else in the world has, then this is what you want to go for.

Whatcha Doin’ October 1, 2010?

Cuz let me tellya what I’m doin’!

You ever have one of those moments in your life when you finally meet, in person, someone you’ve admired for most of your adult life? Maybe someone who you lusted after at first, and then learned more about and came to admire and even attempt, in some poor fashion, to emulate? And then you get the chance, say, at a nationally renowned event like Dark Odyssey, to meet this person face-to-face, even, in a small way, as a peer, as a fellow presenter, sex educator, sex positive advocate?

Then maybe you’ll know how I felt when, towards the end of Dark Odyssey Summer Camp last year, a mutual friend introduced me and my partner Octavia to Nina Hartley. I grinned like a school boy as the introductions were made…

Let me tell you a secret. Come close, I won’t hurt you, I just want to let you know so that you can be warned. If you want to make a good impression on one of your heroes, don’t have an amazing warrior goddess of a woman standing next to you. Not only will your hero not say one word to you, she might even congratulate your partner on her “excellent wrestling class” and express hope that she’ll “teach it again next year.”

It won’t matter that it was your rough body play class. Not a bit. Because frankly, buddy, next to the likes of Lady Octavia you are about as noticeable to a sexual connoisseur like Nina Hartley as a used condom on the set of Rough Sex. And just as frankly, ladies and gents, that’s just the way it should be.

However, I get a second chance! Due to the failing vision of Tess and Diva (in spite of the many, many warnings about certain activities and that clear liquid in the mason jars) Nina Hartley and I will be reading off the spiffy prizes at the SexbloggerCalendar Release Party in NYC! I plan on wearing my sexiest kilt, turning my Masculine Charm up to 11, my Feminine Charm up to 12, and hiding Lady Octavia in a closet for the duration. Maybe…maybe then I’ll get to tell Nina how inspiring she’s been.

But hey, if not, we’re still going to have a helluva time!

Or, perhaps, the reaction of giddy anticipation upon finding out Graydancer is joining the party? Who can REALLY tell?

Pillow fight with Nina Hartley, Tess, Diva and Dr. Laura Henkel at the Erotic Heritage Museum. Photo by Ryan Reason

*Ok, I admit. I was the one who said it.
**I said that too.

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Lochai’s Intensive with AIS

Posted in cool people, event, Rope Bondage on July 12, 2010 by Gray

Lochai & Madison Young

I confess. I was stalking him. I had no other reason to go to Columbus than to see my friend Lochai…but how to get there? How to weasel my way in?

“I know!” I thought. “I’ll offer to be his ‘Teaching Assistant’. He told me he’s into T&A…that’s what it stands for, right?”All joking aside, it was a deliberate attempt to learn something from my friend – because like every rope top I’ve interviewed from Midori to Arisue Go, everybody is still learning. Lochai has tied up thousands of bodies, and thousands more have been tied up because people have learned from him and been inspired by his work. So yeah, while I thought I would also be able to help out, I knew in my selfish heart of hearts that I’d learn a lot, as well.

The Adventures in Sexuality crew was amazing. From the “Perversion Diversion” munch that DoNotGoGently and I attended (discovering that that she is amazing at making playing that bad look that good) to the opening of the space, Barak, Brat Sheba, and the rest of the crew have an amazing group out there. And the furniture! OMG, the frames were gorgeous…including the “Pleasure Portal” OctaBeam (think of a Steampunk Stargate Rope Frame. Yeah. It’s that cool).

But the workshop itself – the things that we learned from Lochai as he taught them using his Baby Girl Molly – that’s where it really became a special day. In the “Conversational Shrapnel” tradition of past GRUEs, here’s some bullets:

  • It’s about being confident. Sure, he showed techniques, but the real point of his intensive was to give people confidence in whatever they were doing with rope.
  • “The right rope is…the one that works for you.” Whether it’s mohair from Maui or 4-strand from Monk, use what you like – not what others say is cool. Unless you hear it on the Ropecast. Then you should definitely use it.
  • “This rope talks to me.” That’s how you know you’ve found the Right Rope. He continued, “It says…I will bind her for you. I will control her…I will keep her safe.”
  • “The perfect length of rope…” “...is about 3″ longer than the piece I’m using” was my contribution, but Lochai noted that it’s the length that, when doubled, is about three arm-stretches for you. That’s why his name was on the intensive. He’s so smart. The reason to measure it off of YOUR body, not your bottom’s, is because it’s likely that your body will be the most consistent size body you’ll encounter when tying different people.
  • On Speed Bondage: “There is a difference between doing things faster, and doing things with an economy of time.” See “Zamil” for examples of this, but it’s one of the most profound and true statements of rope style I’ve ever heard.
  • Hurt vs. Harm: “…is the difference between consensual and nonconsensual, between ‘she comes back’ and ‘you never see her again.’”
  • “That rope ain’t comin’ unloose.” Best. Knot. Ever.

The day went all too fast, and he honored us by sharing his girl Molly’s first suspension in a quick demonstration of the principles he’d taught all day. But judging from the rope that was running through hands and over bodies that night, what he taught stuck with us all.

Thanks, AIS and Lochai. Let’s do it again soon, ok?

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The Beauty of Fetish

Posted in cool people, event, NeatEvent, proporn, sex education on July 6, 2010 by Gray

There were a lot of great things that happened at the recent MadTown Kinkfest, but one of the most interesting and inspiring moments for me came during a chance encounter in a hallway. A Madison friend of mine, I’ll call him Conqueror, was chatting with me and DoNotGoGently as we refreshed ourselves with water.

“Drink up!” he encouraged. “You’ll need it later!”

DoNotGoGently smiled as I looked confused. “He wants to get a golden shower later,” she explained. My eyes widened further, since I’d not known either one of them were into that particular fetish. She read my surprise correctly. “Oh, yes, I’ve done it a couple of times,” she shrugged. “It’s interesting,” she added with a mild tone, much like you might say “Oh, yeah, that was a pretty good movie.”

Conqueror, on the other hand, was ebullient. “I had my first one yesterday!” he exclaimed. “I’ve done other stuff…like flogging…and it was like, yeah, ok, that was fun. But this!” His eyes were literally shining with the passion of the convert. “I think about it all the time. I can just be taking a piss, and I think, wow…this is sexy!” He looked again at DoNotGoGently with a shy, boyish grin. “So…I’m trying to round people up to do one later. Think you might be up for it?”

She smiled and hugged him and said that she would see him later. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen simply because she’d sweated so much in her scenes that her body didn’t have any excess water to get rid of…but that’s not the point.

The point, to me – the beautiful thing – is that he was able to not only identify that joy, but openly share it. He felt safe enough in the community to approach a complete stranger (he’d just met DNGG that day) and ask if she’d share in it.

And she was willing. She, also, felt safe enough to consider it, to decide that even though it’s not her thing per se, it might be fun to help him have some fun. Now, she’s just like that; tends to be helpful in many ways. But I can’t help but think that there is something special, something very liberating about not having to work through the shame, guilt, and persecution that accompanies so many fetishes.

What would the world be like if people didn’t have to be ashamed of their sexuality? Dossie Easton apparently posited the question at the recent “Three Wise Women” conference. I wish I’d been there to hear the answer…but I think I may have been in a place where I could catch a glimpse of that world.

I’m here to tell you: it’s a beautiful place.

In other news, you can check out a new video from me on fetlife: How to Rig a Dame (yes, you have to pay the $5 to support FetLife, and yes, it’s worth it). You can also hear way more about me than I’m really comfortable with on Episodes 9-10 of the Dark Side Podcast, who recently interviewed me.

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More CREAM

Posted in art, cool people, event, photography, Rope Bondage, ropecast, twisted monk on May 21, 2010 by Gray

First, a couple of pictures courtesy of Percival, RiggerJay, and BendyYogaGirl:

Getting the theme? Of course the songs and bands of the same name would come to mind.

In fact, that was NovemberLuvr‘s entry:

We were going to submit an interpretation of Cream’s “Sunshine Of Your Love” for the current ropecast gift cert lottery. But darnit, the song is pretty much apt on its own.
Could Eric Clapton, Ginger Baker, and Jack Bruce been rope tops ?

Reading the lyrics we thought it was appropriate for the intro music to a wonderful suspension/flogging scene.

You can find the lyrics here :-) http://www.eric-clapton.co.uk/ecla/lyrics/sunshine-of-your-love.html

And before your brain (like mine) goes into endless Clapton riffs, here’s a neat little rope erotica vignette from Vague:

Cream.

A sweet, wet, desperate color wrapped tight around skin and muscle.  Another silent plea.

She had told him, “If you want to come, you’ll have to give me cream.”

Bit of a nonsequitur, he thought.

A plastic container with a pull off top and dietary information just raised a smile.  “Wrong kind.”

Cream eggs, a CD of 1960′s blues-rock, whipped cream, ice cream, cream magazine, white stuffed scraped off of a package of cookies, cream cheese, cold cream, cream of tomato soup.  All met with a smile and a shake of the head.

Meals were a bit strange that week.

And now this, tight loops pulled together and tied off around his arms and legs, hobbling mincing steps until he stood before.  The small crease appeared in her forehead as she looked him up and down.  “Cream colored rope?”

He managed a short shrug, shoulders rising until the rope dug into his chest.  “Only other thing I could think of.”

Her head rocked back and forth.  “The knots need to be tighter, it’ll fall off.  And this will cut off your circulation…”  Fingers started prying and pulling, twisting and dragging loops around his body, rearranging his limbs to suit the rope.

“Was I right?”  He swallowed hard.

A snort and a laugh.  “Actually, when I said that I was just trying to be a bitch and give you a Catch-22.  You know, if you want to come, give me cream, but you can’t because you can’t come…  I thought there’d be begging and pleading and bargaining and I’d do horrible things to you, and so on.  Then you took it literally, and I thought I’d see where you went with it.  And you disemboweled cookies for me.  It was cute.”

He laughed back.  “Ah.”  Whatever he was going to say was cut off as she dragged a loop of rope  through his mouth, tying it behind his head.

“Stop talking while you’re ahead.  So no, ‘cream colored rope’ wasn’t the answer I was expecting, but it’ll do.”

Listen to the latest Ropecast to hear Ganymancer’s erotic entry to the CREAM contest…and send in yours!

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ToroGRUE sont fait!

Posted in cool people, event, GRUE, Rope Bondage, ropecast, twisted monk on May 4, 2010 by Gray

(apologies to any truly fluent French speakers out there, I never really got the whole tenses thing).

The Control Enthusiast & Graydancer in the Kitchen Makin' Mancakes!

Ok, so there was actually a lot more at the ToroGRUE than pancakes. However, I think this will be forever one of my favorite pictures from the event. Many more to come, by the way; Ganymancer and CreativeSir were official GRUE photogs and they were snapping away throughout. A gallery will be forthcoming…

The Control Enthusiast managed to pull off what is probably the epitome of how the GRUE is designed to work. It was smooth, we had over 20 class sessions, people were involved, and many came out of it with new insights, relationships, and questions that will ripple far beyond the event.

I was especially interested in seeing how the GRUE continued into the Sunday time – yes, we ate pancakes, but then we fulfilled the promise of a “Grappling session”, an in-depth discussion on the philosophies of service, and a cigar play round table (well, round, anyway, as we were all out back smokin’ cubans provided by PBTees). Add to this a couple of impromptu vaginal fisting technique and spanking technique mini-sessions, and you have a whole mini-GRUE following the whole day saturday.

I also have to mention how blown away I was by the skills and presentation ability of Lotus Lily. She dove right into the GRUE with a presentation on partial suspension, and as I watched her rig I was amazed and humbled – her hands move with a sureness and speed that reminds me of Lqqkout. She also stepped up to the plate as my demo bottom (literally!) for “Rope & Impact Play” and later taught a very comprehensive self-suspension class. When I found out later that she was doing all this after working a full night shift, I was astounded. She’s good. If you’re looking for a rope presenter, she has my recommendation.

Of course things like the class list, the fishbowl questions, and more will be coming. But meanwhile, if all this sounds good to you, check out the Boston GRUE coming up in June. Too short notice?  TNG Pittsburgh just announced that they’ll be hosting the first Pittsburgh GRUE in April of 2011!

One more thing…

Yes, we did give away the Twisted Monk/Ropecast $50 Gift Certificate – and to find out who won, you’ll have to listen to the Ropecast (coming out later tonight). However, if you’re anxious to get in on the next round of competition, the theme has been selected – by “Ooh Spicy”, another great new friend from the GRUE.

Since the next giveaway will be done in Boston, when I asked what the theme should be, he piped up immediately with:

Cream.

Yep. That’s the theme. Send in your entries (written, audio, or pics – pics are ALWAYS appreciated) to graydancer@gmail.com.

And yes, we will also be doing a Ropecast on the best way to clean your rope…

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My Class Description for Madtown Kinkfest

Posted in event, NeatEvent, Rope Bondage with tags on April 29, 2010 by Gray

I decided to try dictating my class description into my iPhone Dragon Dictation app before emailing it. Heres the result. I kind of want to just leave it as is…see how much you can guess I meant to say:

This is the description for the impact playing rope class that were doing or Mac I think thats a bad play in row two great tastes that taste great together in his class great answer and is laughably optimistic girl my I will explore and demonstrate the various ways that the rope bondage and roof itself can be used as both the means and implement a meeting with many great wax many great screens and the occasional giggle we will learn all kinds of tricks such as finding the trash in the air spreading the arms helplessly so the best can be lunch as well as the secrets not in the end of the rope so it f*cking hurts like hell trick come to…

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Back From Beyond Leather & Into Car Bondage!!

Posted in cool people, event, photography, Rope Bondage, ropecast, twisted monk on April 28, 2010 by Gray

It’s been a busy couple of weeks, and there’s no slowing down. At Beyond Leather I taught what is probably the worst-delivered class of my life. I mean, when the subject is Military Style Bondage, and you forget to wear combat boots, it’s pretty much over. My apologies to those who sat through it, and my thanks to Eboni, who was my willing demo bottom and only giggled a little when I chastised her for forgetting her Air Force “Form 314″ (it was supposed to be a form 341. Oops.).

Yes, it was certainly an event full of things that didn’t go as planned. I didn’t plan on being mortified and embarrassed at Hardy Haberman’s keynote speech, where he said things that I disagree with and that offended and hurt some people very dear to me. More on that later. You can also brace yourself for a rant about the abso-fucking-lutely amazing performance Lqqkout did with Eboni – an example of things not going as planned and them not only dealing with it but turning it into the hottest and most amazing rope performance I’ve ever seen. Seriously. Bar none.

As I said, more on that later. Meanwhile, let’s get on to sexy tied up naked chicks! That’s right, there’s still a few days left to get in your entries for the Twisted Monk/Ropecast Giveaway. Email your entries, phone them in (608-432-5668) or do whatever strikes your fancy…even non-rope people like Thunderroad (who gave me my “Fuck Rope!” t-shirt) are getting in on the act, with help from a little Funsized critter. Also, impromptu car bondage (exactly what Evinxiamor was hoping for) courtesy of FluffyRayne and Mornington Crescent…

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The GRUE That Ate North America!

Posted in event on April 8, 2010 by Gray

As part of my upcoming presentation for LLC, I have made a map showing the GRUEs to date. The markers with dots have had two GRUEs:

View GRUE Locations in a larger map

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The Long & Lonely Highway (of Bondage)

Posted in cool people, event, NeatEvent, Rope Bondage on April 4, 2010 by Gray

We need to talk…

I confess, it’s the same story, all the time.

I try to communicate. I try to listen. I try to understand your needs, and to fulfill them, to the best of my ability.

So when you say “Make your podcasts more listenable,” I stop eating spaghetti while I’m recording. When you say “Make them more frequent,” I give up watching Jersey Shore and Alton Brown just so I can record more content. When you say “Give us free rope!” I not only arrange to give you free rope, but I make it a Fun Contest.

The Twisted Monk/Ropecast Giveaway #2: CAR BONDAGE

You don't have to do this to qualify. But if Gord wanted to, he would.

Yes, of course you already knew about it, because you’ve already heard the interview with Evinxiamor on the Ropecast, and you know that the next contest involves car bondage. Not a lot of car bondage – just a bit, just the mere idea of car bondage, that’s all you need to do to get an entry.

Well, that, or register to go to the Toronto GRUE. But you could even get there by car, and get TWO entries!

TWO!

Unfortunately, I find that I do not have a plethora of entries. In fact, I have exactly three: one limerick I put in an earlier post, and Evinxiamor for coming up with her Car Rope Bondage Challenge in the first place, and then Master Phoenix for contacting her about the challenge (yeah, Master Phoenix, I heard about it, and it counts, even though you didn’t actually contact me. That’s how desperate I am).

But hey, that’s fine. I’m sure there’s LOTS of podcasts out there that give away $50 gift certificates towards the FINEST HAND-CONDITIONED HEMP ROPE IN THE GALAXY. Why should I expect anyone to turn a tire iron into a hogtie spreader bar, or their CBT into a hood ornament, or maybe double the headlights on their vehicle (if you know what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge)?

All I can say is, when I went to Monk with this idea, he said “Let’s put it out there, see how it flies. If it goes well, we’ll keep it up.” And he was thrilled with the first contest – even gave a special “boobie discount” to the winner (who has magnificent, um, tracts of land).

But if this is what we’re gonna give him, folx, well, I can’t guarantee he’ll be quite as enthusiastic next time…

email any entries – photo, audio, written, whatever – to graydancer@gmail.com

UPDATE! News Flash!

Mere seconds after posting this entry, I received the following from the amazingly Hot and Talented Essin Em:

I’m not very creative or cool, and I don’t know much about rope, but am finally beginning to get into it. Here is how I’d have hot car rope action and bondage with a little sex thrown in.

I have this visualization of my new car (a silver HHR, which I’m getting next week) tied up in a beautiful tortoiseshell style harness all over the hood, preferably in a red or crimson color.  Beautiful by itself for driving of course, but even better, picture me tied to the hood, bent over it, my pale skin contrasting the deep red rope as my partner fucks me into oblivion on the top story of a parking garage, the lines of the rope and the grill leaving sensuous marks on my skin to remember my tryst by.

To which I simply have to say: NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT!

I’ll be in my bunk…

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1st Entry for 2nd Twisted Monk/Ropecast Giveaway

Posted in cool people, event, Rope Bondage with tags , , on March 25, 2010 by Gray

And so it begins: phase two of the $50 Giveaway for Twisted Monk rope. A tragic tale, in my mind, one to rival Kings Christine or even a Hasselhoffian epic.

Whatever your thoughts, it qualifies, and yours could too: pics, movies, interpretive dance or prose…if you dont play, you cant win. And if you dont listen (hint: ropecast.net) , you wont know you won. So get the knuckle to the knot and the pedal to the metal and get that car bondage going!

A fellow once thought about tying up his girl while driving his beloved car
Then he thought how wonderful it would be to tie his girl to his beloved car

Then he thought, fuck his girl, he just wanted to tie up his beloved car.

C.
Las Vegas

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