The lovely Symetrie rigged by the author

At Shibaricon I was a bit busy. Which is kind of like saying Ms. Bachmann’s grasp on reality is “a bit” tenuous. I followed Mollena’s Admonition and was DAMN sure I was available for those playdates that I did schedule, and also did my best to be a good Poly Rope Top and made time for both my partner DoNotGoGently and my long-distance lover Naiia.

But it wasn’t easy. In fact, it was exhausting. I was also running classes, doing the cabaret, helping out as part of the staff…so by the time DNGG and I finally got to the designated time and space for our planned suspension scene, the dungeon was packed. I was tired. We wandered around, saw a lot of hot rope people doing hot rope things, but not one empty hard point. Ditto for the other playspaces – nary a hard point free.

Rope etiquette would dictate that we simply stage our bags near a scene that was going on, wait for it to finish, and take over the point. However, remember the “busy” part above? Remember the “exhausted”? Neither of us had the reserves to wait for a scene. More than that, the stresses of Shibaricon had taken their toll, emotionally, on the two of us. We needed a good scene with each other, and we needed it sooner than later.

Well, I’m one of those who’s always talking up floorwork, right? Talking about how suspension is fine, but overrated? So we dragged our gear back to the main dungeon, claimed some floor space with a sheet, and started some rope work.

Almost immediately when the ropes went on her, DNGG closed her eyes. She wasn’t going into “rope space” as it’s commonly understood, but it was obvious to me as I bound her tighter and tighter that this was going to be an internalized experience for her, a journey in which I would be a guide and guardian but not so much a participant.

That’s not a bad thing at all; it’s one of the many rich ways that rope can provide a great experience. So I continued to tie, to expose parts of her body, stimulate them with pinches and strokes and slaps and caresses. DNGG’s reactions are subtle but beautiful, and I was watching her closely, monitoring her state of mind and sensation as best I could in a busy, loud dungeon.

After a time, I began to take her out. I don’t know how long it was – maybe forty five minutes? There hadn’t been any obvious “WE ARE DONE NOW” signs, like mind-blowing orgasms or tears or even really any communication beyond body language. In fact, I wasn’t really sure that we should have been done at that time – it was simply my best guess at when both her energy and mine were at a level where we could come out of the scene gracefully. I wasn’t sure that I’d really given her a good path through the rope, or an adequate experience. I just had to trust that she would either forgive me if I hadn’t (that’s part of being in a relationship, after all) or let me know what she needed that was more.

As I took the ropes off of her, slowly, bit by bit, a strange thought occurred to me: Damn, I really wish we could have done that suspension instead.

It seemed like a strange thought. Why would I have rather done suspension? I’m not attached to the art, not even especially good at it (though I’m adequate enough when called upon). But there was no denying it: I wished, in that moment, that I could have done suspension instead of floorwork.

Why?

I thought about it a lot, and eventually realized: suspension is dynamically easy. It has a very clear path:

1. Negotiation
2. Physical evaluation of bottom
3. Physical creation/evaluation of hard point
4. Tying of harness to bottom
5. Suspension
6. Monitoring/transitional positions (sometimes several if you’re awesome like Lqqkout or Wykd Dave or Claire Adams)
7. Safe lowering to floor.
8. Removal of ropes/Aftercare

How do you know you did a good suspension? Easy: the bottom walks away with a smile. Hell, sometimes it’s just “the bottom walks away.” If they didn’t fall, it’s a success. Anything else – beauty, orgasms, appreciation from the audience – that’s all gravy. And frankly, even “rope space” is easy, because the stresses of the body being supported in a strange way within the ropes will trigger endorphins much more quickly than many other activities, and the feeling of having the ropes taken off/aftercare neurochemically transitions into oxytocin release giving that happy feeling of belonging, being cared for (in both top AND bottom).

In short: it’s an easy way to fix your jonesing for a rope scene.

Contrast that with a floorwork rope scene:

1. Negotiation/evaluation of bottom (setting boundaries, basically, and maybe setting a tone: “pain”, “pleasure”, “beauty”)
2. Tie some rope
3. Do some stuff
4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 for a while
5. Untie the ropes
6. Aftercare.

It’s not as clear a picture. And while yes, I can agree that “the bottom walking away with a smile” is still a good indication of a good scene, I would argue that the other “success” marker – the bottom walking away – is not there.

It’s harder to do a good scene on the floor, because you don’t have the obvious markers showing the way.

As I realized this, I thought about the way suspension is such a big thing in the rope scene. I thought about the way new rope tops focus on gaining suspension skills (new rope bottoms, too). And I frankly have come to the conclusion that at least some of the motivation is laziness. Why go to the trouble of delving into an unclear realm such as floorwork when you can put yourself in a situation where very clear steps and very clear paths are laid out to allow you to say “I did good”?

Before the flames start, please note that I am not saying that it is impossible to have a deep and meaningful suspension scene. The artistry of people like Osada Steve, Ageha, Arisue Go, Wykd Dave, Lqqkout, Kogure, Midori, and others who do suspension regularly is undeniable and I would be the first to say so.

But I’m suggesting that when doing suspension, we riggers and bottoms might want to ask “Why?” Are we taking the easy way out? Are we substituting physics for connection, simply because it’s easier?

Or is it just me?

“Uh huh. Sure. I’ll believe that when I see it!” she said skeptically, adding “…but I hope you do.”

In a couple of weeks I’ll be doing just that – returning to the Bondage Capital of the World in order to be part of the launch of a great new project. sparQ.com is a sex positive place with educational, erotic, and useful content, whether that’s a hot story, an article about having better orgasms, or a sex toy review.

They’re starting things off on February 26th with a bang (no, not that kind) with a gallery night called “the Art of the Sensual” in Pewaukee (that’s a suburb of the suburb of the Bondage Capital). There will be erotic readings, a gallery full of stimulating art, and they’ve invited Naiia and myself to come and do some rope performance.

What’s P Got to Do With It?

Glad you asked. No, I’m not going to do anything scandalous. In fact, I’m looking forward to not doing the typical rough-and-tumble rope that I’ve been doing for many years. As with my performance with DoNotGoGently in New York City recently, I’m going for something different, something more sensual, something that hasn’t been done before.

Almost as if to aid me in my quest is the appearance of Gar Reynolds’ The Naked Presenter in the mail yesterday, a birthday present from CunningMinx (who still knows my tastes quite well, it seems). I started reading it this morning, and came to a section on “creative constraints.” Gar put some pretty strange ones on himself for the book, limiting himself to ten chapters and deciding that the principles he talks about should all begin with the letter P:

• Preparation
• Punch
• Presence
• Projection
• Passion
• Proximity
• Play
• Pace
• Participation
• Power

…with one extra P, Persistence, just to show that rules are made to be broken.

I haven’t read more than the first chapter at this point, but it’s already stirring some creative juices. These are all the things that go into a good presentation, yes, but also into a good scene, and I’m fascinated to see how I can apply these things more consciously to the upcoming performance.

If you’d like to see it, check out the Facebook link above, or just come out to Pewaukee on the 26th of February for the event.

It will be a Pleasure to see you…

It’s a fault, to be honest. The stuff just interests me. I’m not proud of it.

But keep it in mind when I tell you, point blank, that David Lawrence’s photographic book Bound remains the most beautiful collection of rope bondage photography I’ve ever seen. Not because of the models, or the ropework, but because they all come to a conjunction in the pages of the book that makes it greater than the sum of its parts. It’s a breathtaking experience to go into that book, to take its oversized solid binding into your hands and open it and let your eyes dive in…

Of course, you can’t look at it. It’s sold out. Out of print. OK, maybe if you bribe me with whiskey, dark chocolate, and unspecified sexual favors, I’ll let you hold it. Just for a little while. Ok, that’s enough, even you thinking about it is making me twitchy. Give it back.

Perhaps I’ll be more willing to share in about a month, when I get my copy (pre-ordered quite a while ago, because I knew it would be worth the wait) of reBOUND, Shibari Style Impressions. This is the next phase of David’s work, and he deserves kudos just for attempting to follow that first act. You can see a preview of the work by clicking on the link, but I gotta tell ya: it’s about as close to actually having the book as looking at a picture is to actually tying someone up.

In other words, not at all.

I can see by your face that you’re skeptical. And that’s understandable, because I still haven’t really talked about why exactly his work is so fucking good. Bad blogger, Gray, no biscuit. OK, fine, let me see if I can try…

Hmm.

OK, it’s like this: most bondage art photography bears something of the personality of the person who did it. Lochai’s Occupied, Lee’s Black Book, even Midori’s prints from The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage. Hell, the instructional pics in Douglas Kent’s books scream “DOUGLAS KENT”.

That is, of course a subjective view. I know all of these people, some fairly intimately, so of course I’d project the personality on the pictures, right? Even given that there are other photographers whose work I’ve learned to spot without ever meeting them (Ian Rath, by the way, at some point I owe you a drink. Or ten.). All of them are something of a collaboration: the eye of the photographer with the experience of the model. If the photographer is also the rigger, there’s even more of their personality involved, in my opinion.

Except for David Lawrence.

I know David, and call him friend. He’s not a quiet man. You wouldn’t call him an unassuming presence. Hell, it could even be said that he’s an arrogant rigger, because of his penchant for fitting the bodies to his ties as opposed to the other way around. I’d say it’s probably more confidence than arrogance, but sometimes that line gets blurry.

But when I look at his pictures…I don’t see him. Somehow he manages to get out of the way and let the subjects tell their own relationship – between the rope and their body, between the partners, the snake, the candle wax, or just gravity and the hard, cold floor below.

Don’t get me wrong; I still know it’s David’s photography, and I can see and admire the audacity of location and the artistic composition and technical skill and all that shit that keeps me from trying to compete in the world of bondage photography. But David gives us the gift of photos that go beyond that, that triggers that inner resonant frequency. I look at the pictures, and somehow I see in the lines, the expressions, the shades of gray that same feeling of satisfaction that I get when I hold a piece of hemp in my hand, or when I look at my partner bound and smiling on the floor. I see that same fault, if that’s the right word, that keeps us tying and being tied.

David Lawrence gets it, and more than that, he manages to share it through photographs in a way that is rare and beautiful. I appreciate that.

From what I hear, reBound is going to be a limited print run too. That’s why I’m glad I got mine early. If you’re lucky, maybe Cupid will get one for you, too. If not, well…I guess I could share. Maybe. But we’re talkin’ 90% or more cacao, baby, and that whiskey had better be older than my niece.

Otherwise, honeychild, we’re going to be getting pretty fucking specific…

I ran, doing the traditional grand jete over the threshold, and as the doors closed behind me, I realized I had no idea what train I was on. I hadn’t bothered to look; the door was open, and I just leaped through.

Turned out it was the B, and I made it ok. But there was that moment of thrill, of the unknown, of just going for it.

It was a good reminder for life in general. Sometimes, to get where you wanna go, you just gotta jump.

The First-Ever Winter Fire Cabaret Social!

Got Talent? Come and share!

Hosted By Graydancer
Get to know a different side of your fellow travelers in this Dark Odyssey at the Winterfire Cabaret. This is the Talent Show your mother warned you about, with kinksters showing off their skills in short, lively acts guaranteed to amaze, or at least amuse, everyone.

Hosted by Graydancer, the Cabaret is an environment designed for casual entertainment, with professional talent and talented amateurs lending their grace and skill to the stage. Juggling! Music! Kilted kicklines! Dancing bears! Stop in, enjoy the acts, and take a moment to bid in a round of the NCSF Lightning Auction between acts.

Interested in performing in this vaudeville-style stage show? Contact Graydancer@gmail.com. Guaranteed to be fun for the whole fami- well, fun for the whole community, anyway. Hope to see you there!

I have a real love-hate relationship with this video. On the one hand, it does some things right, such as referring to to the “art” as kinbaku, and linking the “rope culture” of Japan to the practice. On the other hand, starting from the Ubiquitous Zen Flute Riff when they show the “happy, sunny” Japan, to the pedantic valley-girl-esque Vanessa Von Auer, Paychologist, it goes into a sensationalistic Orientalist mode. The overall portrayal, passive-aggressive in tone, is that rope bondage is done by the mentally ill as an inadequate substitute for “real” therapy.

Still, it’s worth watching, if only for the chance to see Ageha perform, and to see Hajime Kinoko‘s teaching studio. What do you think of the tone? I know that I tend to be a bit over-sensitive to what I perceive as Asian stereotyping; maybe I’m over-reacting?

Gray & MinxGrrl by Nancy Peach (in progress)

With all the disagreements about whether or not rope is an art or not (which I’m not interested, really, in talking about any more) I thought I’d just share with you some of the progress that fine artist Nancy Peach has been making on the painting she’s doing of me and MinxGrrl. You can see more of it as it comes along at her site.

Enjoy! I’m in San Fran Aftercare Central, aka the Bondage Capital of the World. Dexter, lasagna, and a naked Naiia…

Mara Geneva Rehearsing for WICKED LINES

If I didn’t worship Gar Reynolds as the Last, Best Hope Against Powerpoint, I might resent him. A long while back I did a keynote at the Austin Ropecraft Symposium based around the concept of “Rope Naked.” I’m still pretty proud of that speech, and its delivery. Gar has actually written an entire book called “The Naked Presenter” that follows along that same idea. He’s written extensively about it on his site, but nothing has resonated quite as much as the last post, We don’t seek your perfection, only your authenticity.

I won’t name names, but I’ve talked with many riggers who have expressed what Dr. Brene Brown would call “shame.” She defines that as the fear of disconnection. Faced with a pile of rope, the rigger feels “If I don’t do this right, my bottom won’t want to play with me. My friends will laugh at me. No one will ever let me present. Nobody will ever want to play with me again.”

Will any of this actually happen? Probably not. But it feels like it might. We want the sure thing, the security. Just tie another takate-kote, throw in some weaves to make it artsy, and let the hot boobies do the work. It’s safe. It’s certain. It’s easy to learn.

But here’s the problem, said so well in one single sentence by Mr. Reynolds.

Passion dies in an environment of fear
and a yearning
for guarantees and certainty.

If you’re not playing on the brink, and risking doing it wrong, why are you bothering? And if you’re wondering why the passion seems to have gone out of your ropework…maybe you need to figure out if your aversion to shame is keeping you from that one thing that every rigger and bottom yearns for: connnection.

Read the post. Watch the talk. And think about it the next time you pick up rope. It might make a difference.

It’s a fascinating article in its own way, if you are one of those who likes wanking off in discussions about what is or is not art. I’ve found that the newer you are to this theory, the more eager you are to discuss it; having been through decades of such things, I usually just roll my eyes a little and fall back on Chief Justice Potter Stewart’s 1964 definition in Jacobellis vs. Ohio: “I’ll know it when I see it.”

However, I recently allowed myself to become embroiled in just such a discussion on FetLife, and while it wasn’t pleasant, it did give some food for thought. Among other things, it was amusing that I found myself defending the idea that kinbaku is an art form, requiring years of practice to do it well – much like playing a musical instrument. The OP (Original Poster) got quite frustrated by the fact that his post had not been about the whole art-vs-not-art debate at all; his original post had been about a person online who, looking for guidance, had wanted to know if there were tutorials online.

I was one of the first respondents in that thread, and had pointed out the tutorials at BeKnotty and Twisted Monk and of course Jack Elfrink’s stuff. I also noted, as a responsible citizen journalist of the rope world, that “there is a school of thought that one cannot learn shibari online.”

To my mind, that is different than saying “one cannot learn shibari online.” Because frankly, I don’t necessarily believe that some people can learn it one-on-one, either. I’ve tried with a few people who have studied and taught in that way, and found it frustrating.

More to the point, it doesn’t fucking matter.

Forget What You Think

Getting away from the “what is art” argument and to the original point: that person looking for tutorials wanted something. For the sake of argument, let’s say that he saw a picture like this online:

The Fabulous Ms. Berlin & Derrick Pierce

…and he wanted to put his submissive in a similar situation.

Why did he want to do that? Was it because he wanted to get into the wildly lucrative world of bondage porn?* Was it because he was a passionate photographer, and wanted to exactly re-create this amazingly composed photo?**

Perhaps. I don’t think so, though. I think it’s more likely that he didn’t want to duplicate the picture at all. He wanted the results. He wanted to make his sub feel the way Ms. Berlin feels in the picture. Or he wanted to feel the way Derrick feels in the picture. And that’s where the whole “mechanical reproduction” thing comes into play.

See, I did that tie. I took that picture, because this was a shoot that I was directing. So I know exactly what was happening on that set, on that day, in that place. And let me tell you, the orgasmic bliss that Ms. Berlin is conveying in that pic is far more a tribute to her acting ability than any skill on my (or even Derrick’s) part.

Probably more of what was going on in her head was along the lines of:

“Who the fuck is this no-talent rigger/director thinks he can tie me in this RIDICULOUS suspension? Jeez this is killing my lumbar vertebrae. Going to have to do some hot tub relaxing today. Wonder if Cherry’s up for coffee after the shoot? At least I have a good PA here to help out. Oh, here comes Derrick’s cock. He’s such a great guy, too bad he’s gotta work with this midwest hack too…”

That’s not to say that I know that was her inner monologue-Berlin and I are friends, but this was the first time we met and I was a hack, as this was my very first professional bondage shoot.

But I doubt that the FetLife poster was hoping to have his submissive thinking those kinds of thoughts when he reproduced the tie. No, he didn’t want his sub to feel the way the people in the picture felt.

He wanted his sub to feel the way he thought the people in the picture felt.

And that’s the crux of it. The proper response to that FetLife poster should not have been me listing the tutorials; those are just ways of duplicating the images. Nor was the proper response to say “You can’t do that; it’s art, and reserved for the Worthy.” It certainly wasn’t helpful to say, “Oh, that? Anybody can do that. It’s no big deal.”

What ends up happening, time and again, is that he takes either track – saves up the money, goes to Japan and studies, or just decides to “reverse engineer” the ties using things online, and gets to the point where she and he are in exactly the same position…and suddenly they realize: this doesn’t feel the way I thought it would.

Nouns Don’t Matter

To my mind, the most important question to ask, whether you’re an experienced rigger or a novice knotter, is not “What do you want to do?” but rather “How do you want to feel?” That determines the tools you use, the frame of mind, the setting, the technique – everything else. What is the tone of the rope bondage? I personally believe that with that as your goal, it doesn’t matter if you’re doing a one-column tie or a takate-reallyfuckinghawtakote with a side of hashirodokai sauce.

Most of the time when I do rope for enjoyment (as opposed to for performance, education, or photography, in which case fun is by-product rather than the objective) I don’t have a big idea of a complicated tie. I tend to go in and start working with the rope and the body and the way it changes over time, and at the end, if you want to call it smut or art or craft, it really doesn’t matter to me. What matters to me are the adjectives, not the nouns. Was it good? Was it fun? Was it beautiful?

We can re-create images in 3-d and record the steps on hi-def video and break them down into loop A over bight B around Nipple C. But as far as I know, there’s no way to accurately recreate the feelings involved – even between the same two people with the same rope.

I love that ephemerality. I love that “unique and special snowflake”-ness of it. And that’s why I’ll see you in the dungeon.

*Quit laughing, Ten

** Quit laughing, SmutCraft/Monkeyfetish/MMayhem