Stigma
It’s interesting being the token kinky sex blogger.
I’m here at the Blogworld expo, and things are winding down. There’s one or two other workshops I want to go to, and really hoping that I’ll get to have an interview with the Queen of Spain, but really? I’ve been back and forth along the expo floor, and have the all the schwag I can carry.
Which leaves networking, right? We network at these things, make friends, enjoy the new connections, hope for the little steps we all take towards actually getting maybe paid, or at least recognized for what we do.
Didja click on that link? Didja? You may wonder, if you did, why I put it there, because hey, there’s no mention of anything I did on that page. Which is also funny, because later I’ll link to the digital video of that panel, and you’ll see that I actually had quite a bit to say about the subject of ethics. Probably talked too much, in fact, as there were many smarter people than me there.
But I don’t blame Jeremy. The fact is, this is not the freewheeling atmosphere of Podcast Expo; there is an entire mini-track called “Godblogcon”, and there is an immense focus on the monetization, and also on how to get started. There’s the usual “join OUR network” (in case you’re wondering, I’m most inclined to join the one whose President saw me and said “Oh, do you know Violet Blue?” And whenever I talk about my podcast (the description of which has changed from “rope bondage” to “alternative sexuality and adult sex education”) there is a moment of panic in the eyes of the person I’m talking to.
Most of the time there is this kind of battle that goes on inside of them, the battle between “Wow, this is a strange guy, in spite of his affable nature, and I’m really uncomfortable with this subject matter,” and “I can’t be impolite, I have to say the same things I usually say.”
Which can be amusing. One nice young lady (note: link to her site removed at her request) said “Really? I’ve been hoping to meet someone in that field!” (which I found possible, but kind of a strange reaction, and she did close the conversation rather quickly after I said “you know, a lot of bondage models could use the resources on your site…”) or the rep from Podango who said “Ah…so…what makes you the expert to podcast about that subject?” (“Um…I’m good at tying up people and giving them great sexual experiences and then talking to others about it in entertaining ways?”).
They’re very polite. They’re very nice. But it was literally concern over the reaction of the conservative bloggers that kept one potential model for last night’s party from being tied - and that was the only reason, because she had been looking forward to it. But she’s part of a startup, and as their CEO said “We’re young. We don’t need those kinds of problems.”
Those kinds of problems.
And I find myself wondering: Where are my compatriots? Aside from the Queen of Spain, I do not know of any other sex bloggers here. No Violet, no Melissa Gira, no Regina Lynn, no Rachel Kramer Bussel…just me. Did I miss the memo that said we were all skipping this conference? Why aren’t we having a sex bloggers roundtable? Why are we waiting for conferences that it’s more “safe” at?
This isn’t really a rant…I’m sure there are reasons. But it’s kind of scary that at the first blogworld there can be sessions like “Whose winning the war of the blogosphere - Right or Left?” (War? What war? Since when is it territorial? I thought it was this thing called FREE SPEECH…).
Off to the rest of the ‘con…
November 9th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
I hear you, Graydancer. And oh yes, there are reasons… they’re just not very good ones. And just because they’re the prevailing opinion, doesn’t make them right.
I’m getting a little weary of blogging conferences because invariably, I get into a heated argument with people who have *very definite opinions* about people who blog about sex… and occasionally it veers into their opinions of people who do things like strip IRL. And it’s getting REALLY old.
The only conference where this didn’t happen was BlogHer. I have no idea if that’s because of the sessions I went to (and didn’t go to) or because of something larger.
But at ConvergeSouth a few weeks ago… yep, it happened again.
(And I’m arguably not even “kinky!”)
November 9th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
As for why people aren’t there - it may just be a conflation of bad timing for lots of people. I know for me, there is no way I could afford to fly out to Las Vegas right now, and even if I could, this is NOT a good time for me to be skipping town.
November 9th, 2007 at 3:46 pm
It became territorial when the politicians got blogs. Imagine a blogosphere that becomes commercialized like old media. Sure we’ve got NPR and PBS and public access, but seriously those are at the fringe for most people’s perception… The blogs ‘featured’ on msn.com’s search results are going to present a very singleminded cross section to be gobbled up by the internet illiterates.
Everything I’ve read about blogging says ‘appeal to your niche’ instead of trying to appeal to everyone. I think you should have as much merit for knowing your audience as the creators of ‘the (b)log cabin quilting club’. (hmm is blogcabin.com taken??) Due to my job situation, I’m particularly conscious of what people ‘want to be associated with’ and I agree that the general conservatism is a sad state of affairs.
- LqqkOut
November 9th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Gray, you raise some great points. I’d encourage you to talk to the people who run blogworld to ask them to add some sex & relationship sessions next year, or perhaps a track.
Hey, imagine the schwag then!
If they say no, ask them why not, and blog it.
- Amy Gahran
November 9th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
I didn’t attend, Gray, for the same reasons I don’t attend most blog conferences: they are insufferably boring and filled with people who believe in “The Revolution of Media,” when the only evidence I see is that more white, middle aged men who can afford to fly the world over have more opportunities to write about tech and politics. That’s just not my idea of “revolution.” But hell yeah to being there in the middle of it being yourself without apology.
I can appreciate the “Did I miss the memo?” sentiment. It seems like sex bloggers are rallying to hit SXSW this year with a vengeance. It’s got the best parties, even if they only did accept a handful of sex panels.
But that said, I think it can be all too easy to say, “Hey we were pushed off to the side for talking about sex!” when honestly, most anything in blogging right now that isn’t about politics or tech or money is getting the same treatment. We could turn into the sex blogger analogs of the “New Media Douchebags” (not my phrase, of course) who kneejerk go off on every possible slight as an opportunity to build a brand around themselves. Or we could focus on what we do well and do what you are doing this week, it sounds: show up without apology when we can, and tell the story for those who can’t.
In case it’s not clear from all that up there: RIGHT ON!
November 9th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
[…] Ninja Sex Poodle & Ronin of Love… » Blog Archive » Stigma “It’s interesting being the token kinky sex blogger.” I can really relate to this. And I’m arguably not even ‘kinky.’
(tags: sex sexuality blogging blogs stigma bullshit) […]
November 10th, 2007 at 5:33 pm
Did you see how Keith Levenson of Vibrator.com was kicked out of the opening night party, for handing out Vibrator.com stickers:
http://blog.vibrator.com/
If they’re the stickers I’m familiar with they are totally innocuous. Sheesh.
November 13th, 2007 at 9:10 am
Is it the kinky part that those people were uncomfortable with or just the sex aspect of what you represent?
One of the my artists friends just had a show here in Austin and as usual we were trying to work in some of the more erotic pieces. The owner of the club/gallery was fine until he saw some rope. The piece was almost abstract and bondage was not really evident in it but just a glimpse of rope was enough for the guy to ban ANY rope at all. My friend told me he said, “Boobs and Pussy are fine. rope is not.”
November 13th, 2007 at 4:31 pm
[…] Stigma, said sexuality & kink educator Graydancer, of one of the first sex podcasts, Ropecast, checking in from BlogWorldExpo. […]
November 13th, 2007 at 8:15 pm
Finally making my way back around here to comment. It was a different con for sure. It had a very conservative feel to it from others I have attended. I found it interesting more people reacted well to me and seemed put off by you. As if to say, oh, a girl…a mom…well, that’s different. When we both know its not.
November 14th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
[…] been some discussion going on about sex bloggers within the larger social media community. See Graydancer’s post about his experience at the BlogWorld Expo, and Melissa Gira’s Sexerati post from today. (Why […]