Graydancer
On the subject of “Don’t Try This at Home”
Written by Gray Dancer on June 7th, 2007
While I’m always quick to recommend sites such as Hogtied as a way to get into the nitty-gritty of how ties are done (you eventually reach a strange state when all you see is the rope, and when someone points out that there’s a gorgeous woman involved it’s actually quite a shock), I have to give a bit of a disclaimer.
Don’t try this at home. Or, to put it another way, don’t expect it to work.
Let me put it another way. A long time ago, my girlfriend was going to be in a leather fashion show. One of the other models, as part of her exhibition, did a classic stripper move, an inverted headstand on a guy’s lap as he was seated in a chair. From a bio-mechanical point of view, it’s not that hard a stunt. I remember whispering to my wife, "I could do that!"
She whispered back "Yeah…but you don’t LOOK like that when you do that."
So when you see neat ties on Hogtied and other sites, sure, you can try binding the arms behind the back, or putting them into a difficult hogtie, and that’s fine - the basic principles are the same regardless of the body. But don’t expect the elbows to meet, don’t expect to be able to hang them from their ankles. Try something gentler, and remember that it’s not about the rope or the posture - it’s about you and the person you’re with, top or bottom, and the connection you make.
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This is a really important piece of advise. I wholeheartedly agree. The great thing about porn is that it gives us new ideas, fantasies, and well it is just a great sexual outlet for some. The down side is that it can create unrealistic expectations for ourselves and our partners.
Michelle Aston writes a great column in one of L.A.’s local free papers about her experiences as a porn star. I love it because she talks about the times when the guy can’t get it up, or things just don’t work correctly!
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Isn’t realism great? When I’m teaching and presenting one of the biggest things that I do is tell people about the times that I have fucked up, or funny things have happened. I think the worst thing for a top is to feel that he/she needs to be perfect and infallible.
What I try to stress is that it’s not about what happens as much as how you react to it.